Sunday, March 6, 2011

When Bright People Go Dim

I think I'm a reasonably bright guy. I know enough about enough to be pretty adept at Small Talk 101 at parties. (I can carry on a conversation about most things just long enough so either you don't realize that a) I don't know what I'm talking about, or b) I don't care what you're talking about.) I would say I'm a jack of all trades and a master of one.

However, I've still managed to do incredibly stupid things. And much to my dismay, after years of intense and brutally honest self-reflection, I realized that most...okay, pretty much all the dumb stuff I've done is my fault. I'm gonna go ahead and throw Embarrassing and Humiliating Things into this confession too. (It's amazing how often dumb leads to embarrassing.) To wit:

The 10 Dumbest Things I've Accomplished:

1) Married the Wrong Woman: When she got so drunk on Game Night a year before before we wed that she put the guacamole in the dishwasher and we laughed about it, I should've known she was...wrong for me.

2) Defrosted My Freezer with a Hammer: I had no idea that hacking a gash on the inside of a freezer wall would render said freezer inoperable. The mist shooting out of the hole didn't clue me in as much as the thawed, soggy food did when I got home that night. (Dry cereal for dinner.)

3) Didn't Pay Taxes: Because it was more fun to spend all my money. Really? I'm a freelance graphic designer and I was warned that the IRS went after self-employed people with a gleeful vengeance. Naturally, that didn't stop me from living high on the hog until they nabbed me. (NOTE: It still bugs the crap out of me that every paycheck I've ever gotten shows what I earned and what I actually got to keep.)

4) Trumpet Lessons: This one really isn't my fault. Honest. In third grade, we were offered a choice of several instruments and I chose the trumpet; pleaded with my parents. Hated it! I hated practicing. I hated the way my mouth felt after practicing. To this day, my parents have branded me a quitter because I didn't commit myself to the trumpet at age 8. (Apparently they thought I was going to be the next Wynton Marsalis. Oops.)

5) Joined a Health Club: Never in my life have I felt more insecure than when I was trying to look cool in a gym, surrounded by studly guys who could bench press me without breaking a sweat. Whatever 'working out' I do now, I do at home. In the dark.

6) Hooked Up With A Woman In a Bar: See #1

7) Believed Everything My Parents Told Me: Again, this one ain't my fault. We're supposed to believe our folks. Then I discovered that they're not always right. In fact, they sometimes lie for their own nefarious purposes. (Summer camp in Southern England is not the same as camp in Southern California. We still make family jokes about Camp Cornwall.)

8) Thought I Could Control a Cat: If my cats had thumbs, they'd eat my canned food. As it is, they can still gain access to every square inch of my apartment. In the dark.

9) Made Apple Pancakes Without a Recipe: It seemed so easy.

10) Exchanged Phone Numbers With People I Don't Like: 'Nuff said.

Thank goodness I'm brilliant now and don't do anything wrong anymore. Ever. ;-)


  1. me too. freezer and hammer. although I showed more sensibility and did not kill it ;)

    admit it: some stupidities are fun!

  2. Who hasn't married someone stupid?

    D'oh! Like my momma always said, "Stupid is as stupid does..."

  3. Wow. I always thought you were really smart. Now I know better. ;)

  4. @sorei:
    I was college and didn't have sense enough! LOL!

    LMAO! Starter marriages rock!

    Hopefully, I know better too. Debatable...

  5. Ah yes, the life of a bright person gone dim. I'm well acquainted with it. My list is sadly too long.

    @Kim, LOL! @sorei, me too... freezer, hammer... killed it. My stupid husband at the time wasn't happy. I think he would have argued I was the stupid one at that moment.

  6. Love the list @Steven64! I'm sure your First Lady, @Christy, can attest to the fact that you're a much wiser person now.

  7. Oh the dim things this bright person has done. I'd hate to tell you guys! I might lose my position as the official historian of the blog. LOL!

    Really great post @Steven64! This was exactly what was needed after the last one. Thanks for posting it. Now I have to commit this list to memory. ;-)

    Ditto @Sarah about @Christy.

  8. OK @Steven64. I'm now following you. But it won't let me post a comment using my Yahoo ID. I still have to post using my name unless I join Google. Can I still be the official historian? ;-)

    If anyone knows how to post when you're signed in with your Yahoo ID, let me know. Otherwise, this is how I'll have to do it. Sorry.

  9. Oh and I'm also following the blog of your lady, @Christy, since I can't wear a crown here. ;-) Actually, I really like her blog too. Very different feel over there. I'll be visiting both regularly.

  10. Great post! OK, I've had my fair share.

    Definitely married the wrong person the first time, but realized it and moved on. Oh yeah, I also met him at a bar, so go figure. Will never do that again. I'm older and wiser.

    Quit a perfectly good job because someone promised me I they could get me a dream job. Uh huh. Should have known better.

    Ignored the check engine light on my car because I thought it was a suggestion, not an actual command. Yeah, that cost me.

    Didn't use birth control with the aforementioned exhusband. OK, this one I regret because I'm tied to him, but don't because I love my kids.

    @Christy and @Steven don't feel bad about the freezer thing. I did the same thing when I was young and dumb (I'm assuming you were both young and dumb too LOL!). I needed to get rid of the ice and a hammer seemed like the best option at the time. Oops! :-)

  11. @Betty Lou I like @Christy's blog too. It does have a different vibe to it. Both blogs give me something that I need right now. I really appreciate @Steven and @Christy. They're such nice people, and such a great couple. Let me unofficially welcome you to both blogs! :-)

  12. I'm often dim lately. Where's that darned switch to make me brighter? (feeling along the wall)

  13. @Steven64, El Presidente, bro. Hopefully this was all in the distant past. LOL!

    My list is way long and kind of scary! I'm a bright guy, but yeah I've had a lot of dim moments. I'm finding as I get older, I have fewer and fewer. I'm learning, and that has to be a really good thing, right?

    @Christy, my lady, you learned a lesson. No more stupid husband and no more banging on freezers with hammers! You've moved on to bigger and better things, and a better man! LOL!

  14. @Steven64 thanks for the mention in your comment on the previous post. Appreciate it.

    About this one. Great post. Who of us hasn't done something kind of dim. Brave man for posting 10 of yours. I guess if you're going to post yours, I can give you a few of mine.

    1. Yeah I did the marry the wrong woman thing too. But you know what? Two years ago I married the right one. This time I'm sure. She's amazing and I wish I had met her the first time. Proof that some dim moves are correctable or replaceable.

    2. Decided that jumping out of a plane was a good idea without paying full attention to the instructions. Took that broken leg a while to heal and will never do it again.

    3. Decided that I could jump my bike from the roof of my house to the roof of my neighbor's. Took two broken legs a while to heal, and I got to listen to my mom and dad tell me how dumb I was every day I was layed up.

    4. Didn't make sure I knew where my buddies were while out hunting. Buckshot is damned hard to dig out of a dude's ass, and not a cool thing to look at for hours while doing so.

    5. It's a good thing to read the directions when putting together a swing set for the kids and not just wing it. Seeing the slide fall off while your toddler is on it is a sickening feeling. It was OK though.

    6. Calling my prom date by her best friend's name while making out wasn't smart. Took my nose a while to stop bleeding.

    7. I begged to take piano lessons so I could become a rock star. I have no musical talent. I heard about the failed lessons until I graduated college (the lessons were taken in junior high).

    8. Dishwashing soap and dishwasher soap are not the same thing. That was an expensive lesson to learn.

    9. I can't fix cars. I can tear them apart and break them. I can make it harder for mechanics to fix them. I can lose pieces.

    10. When I was a kid I wanted to see how many things I could flush down the commode. Not my best hour. Or my best 15 minutes. I still hear about this one during holidays, birthdays, any time anyone thinks it would be funny to bring it up. I was 5!

  15. @Steven64 can I address your list? Yes? Why, thank you.

    1) Everyone knows the first one doesn't count. Now you have the chance for a do over.

    2) Eh. Didn't you really want a new one anyway?

    3) Taxes? We don't pay no stinkin taxes!

    4) Parents are notorious for having elephant memories about insignificant crap that no longer matter. Find their mute buttons.

    5) No one looks cool in a gym. The mushroom method is best (in the dark). Stick with it!

    6) Nothing good comes from a bar, especially a first wife.

    7) Camp Cornwall just sounds depressing. Now you know you can't believe your parents. They are not to be trusted. We may be adults, but they are still parents.

    8) Really? No one can control a cat and no one can control a woman. Two universal truths.

    9) Never deviate from the recipe. Never try to wing it. It's a science.

    10) Why? Only give your number to people you actually like and want to talk to. Even then, think hard about it first. Don't act on your first impulse.

    Regarding your last sentence, if we ask @Christy, will she agree? ;-)

  16. LMAO! Love it!

    1) Oh yeah. First husband. Big mistake. Agree with Tom. I remarried the love of my life a few years ago. Best decision EVER! @Steven64, wife #2 will be much better. Especially if she's the love of your life and your true partner.

    2) Cut the hair off of all my Barbies. My mom was pissed! No new dolls for me. None. I was not to be trusted. Geez. I was a kid.

    3) Painted my dog blue. Not smart. Apparently it's not good for them. I thought he was pretty. Angry parents for a very long time. I still hear about this one and will until I freaking die.

    4) Put a roast in the oven the first day I was married to husband #1 and the promptly left to go shopping. For hours. Came back to a smoke filled house. I didn't know how to cook.

    5) Found my mom's wedding dress and took it to a friend's house to play dress up. Play make up all over it. Dirt on the bottom. Mom in tears for weeks.

    6) Cheated on a college research paper. Word for word. Same prof. Really dumb move. I was tired.

    7) Entered a hot dog eating contest. Why? I don't know. Never been so sick in my life. Still can't stand the sight, smell or taste of the damned things.

    8) Left my brother in a city 100 miles away. Stopped for gas and didn't know he got out to buy a soft drink. Took me that long to realize he wasn't in the backseat. What a waste of time.

    9) Plastic pools in basements are not a good idea. Just trust me.

    10) Shot an arrow through the wall in parent's home. As an adult. While they were away. It was an accident. Truly!

    Of course now I'm brilliant and don't do anything wrong anymore either. Just ask my husband. Wait. Don't ask him. Just ask my cat.

  17. LMAO! @Tin Roof, @Tom, @Nigh Owl! Now I feel like I need to post my own list. This is much more fun than the first few people who posted. Where are their lists? I want to see them! Come on people! One or two sentences ain't gonna cut here. @Christy gets a pass because she's the Veep. LOL!

    OK here goes.

    1. Yeah, I'm in the married the wrong person club too.

    2. Sold my bike to a kid at school for $2 because I wanted to buy candy.

    3. Stole a dog from a yard on that was on my walk home from school. Told my mom I found it. That didn't last long.

    4. Bought a house full of plants because I thought they were pretty. Killed them all and wasted of a heck of a lot of money.

    5. Brought a stray cat into the house without checking for fleas. You have no idea how long it takes to get rid of those blood sucking critters.

    6. Tried to give my brother away when a carnival came to town. They not only wouldn't take him, but they also tracked down my mom and told her.

    7. I'm with @Denise on the check engine light thing. Who knew it meant pretty darned quickly?

    8. Was on the phone when I pulled into a car wash and didn't realize my back windows were down until it was too late.

    9. Bought a butt load of on sale steaks for a bbq hubby #1 was going to put on. Forgot about them and left them in the trunk of my car for a day and a night. In the middle of summer.

    10. Stood on my dining table to change a light bulb and fell through the center of it. I'm not that heavy people. The table was cheap. Hubby #1 wasn't happy.

    Yes, I too am brilliant and don't do anything wrong anymore either! No proof needed. Just take my word for it. ;-)

  18. @Betty Boo…er, Lou and @Sushi Lover: Thanks for 'following' me! (I didn't realize Blogger was so Google-centric. Glad you found a workaround.)

    @Denise, @Tom, @Tin Roof (R-R-RUSted!), @Night Owl and @Sarah: LMAO! Your lists blew mine away! And reminded me of a few…dozen transgressions that slipped my mind.

    •Shot a BB thru my parent's closet door one night when they were out. Why I shot it is obvious and unimportant. Why I shot it in their room is still a mystery.

    • Had a pet hamster that was dead for a week before I realized my brother had buried him.

    • Let my ex talk me into taking in a stray kitten she found on the way to work one morning. Fleas for 2 years that ate me alive and didn't touch my ex. (Can't really blame 'em though.)

    • Got caught watching TV while having sex. Serious buzz-kill.

    • Cut the hair off my favorite (only) stuffed koala bear. I still have it, and it still hasn't grown back.

    • Was broke and thought I could use dirt instead of kitty litter. Cats don't have to talk to let you know you're wrong.

    • Surveilled a sleeping rat for days. Finally went out to "talk" to it and discovered it wasn't sleeping. Saw maggots for the first time.

    • Tried to remove a mouse from a "humane" sticky-trap with a butter knife. It didn't work and I got mouse shit stuck all over the knife.

    • This was my brother: Played with the little wattle thing on the chin of our pet turkey (not kidding) and she pecked him in the nose.

    • Found an opossum rooting through my trash on New Year's Day (very, very early) and picked it up and moved it (the opossum, not the trash).

    • And I'm glad I'm not the only one. Hammer…freezer…who knew?

    (@Night Owl) Camp Cornwall was cold (summer!), wet, had a rocky beach and we had to forage for our food. The only people that were happy we went there were our parents. Smiled and waved gleefully as the train pulled out of the station. When they bring up the trumpet lessons, I remind them of Camp Cornhell.

    @Denise: Thank you for your kind words. :-)

    @Tina: It once took me three hours to install a dimmer switch. Lol!

    @Sushi Lover: Like the 'El Presidente' thing, Mr. Secretary. :-)

    @Tin Roof:
    R-R-R-USted! ;-P

    UPDATE: I think in ancient Aramaic, "AT&T" means devil or hell. After waiting 12 hours for a technician that never showed up Saturday, I'm again waiting for another one to show up this afternoon. Satan-spawned company, this AT&T.

  19. LMAO! I've been reading your blog for a few weeks, but never comment. This post and these comments just begged me to post.


    Sorry. I was actually laughing so hard someone asked me what was so funny.

    Way to go @Steven64!

    I'm going back to lurking now. :-)

  20. @Shay: Thanks for popping your head in! Sorry you got busted laughing. ;-)

  21. OK, since everyone else is posting their dim moments, I feel compelled to share a few of mine too.

    1) Yep, married the wrong person too! Should have known when we spent our "honeymoon" rewiring our house at 7:00am the day after we said "I do." Good times.

    2) Never, ever put an egg on the stove to boil, then go out to dinner. The water evaporates and the egg explodes. And the smell lingers.

    3) Dr. Peppers explode too. In the freezer. Everything had bits of frozen Dr. Pepper on it for months.

    4) Accidentally shot my brother in the lip with a B.B. gun. Honestly! It was an accident! To this day my mom accuses me of doing it on purpose. Really, Mom? I was a kid. Accidents happen.

    5) Left a pickle in the back of the car under a blanket for... a while. When Mom found it, there were creepy crawlies living in it. After trying to pin it on my brothers, I confessed. Guess who had to clean it up.

    6) Had a teeny bit of glass in my big toe and didn't tell Mom because I was afraid it would hurt when she pulled it out. Two weeks later it was infected and hurt ten times worse. Plus I had to listen to her lecture me. I still hear about it.

    7) Almost shot my ex-husband's foot with a .44 Magnum. I SWEAR it was an accident. He was teaching me about gun safety.

    8) Sliced my thumb open with a butter knife, severing an artery and damaging nerves. Yep, a butter knife. Also had to drive myself to the emergency room in shock. Still have a numb thumb.

    9) Walked into a post while spying on a neighbor I thought was a serial killer. Eleven stitches in my eyebrow later, found out he wasn't. Hey, his bedroom window was open, it was night, newspapers were on his wall. Really? Well, he was an artist. But darn it, if he had been a killer, the world would have thanked me because I could have identified him!

    10) Bought a car on the recommendation of Mom, sight unseen because mine died the night before. Turned out to be stick shift. Luckily I'm a quick learner. Grind, stall, curse!

  22. LMAO @Christy! I'm not lurking very well today. LOL!

    I LOVE that you almost shot your ex's foot, that you were spying on a neighbor you thought was a serial killer, and who cuts their thumb so badly with a butter knife? LMAO! I know the thumb and eyebrow things hurt, but they really are kind of funny.

    OK, back to lurking.

  23. LMAO at some of the items on your list, @Christy, our esteemed First Lady! You're awesome! Now we know you can defend your man, El Presidente, if need be. I mean, I'm assuming you're better with that .44 Mag now than you were then. LOL! You rock, Ms. El Presidente!

  24. @Steven I love the additions you made to your list! LOL! Very good! "Cats don't have to talk to let you know you're wrong." LOL! Very funny!

    @Tin Roof, Tom and Sarah wow! Awesome lists! I laughed so hard at some of your stuff! And @Night Owl, you're just funny.

    @Sushi Lover, our dear Secretary, I'm really liking the El Presidente thing. Let's just start calling @Steven that from now on. So is @Christy still the VP/First Lady? Or is she Ms. El Presidente as you called her? LOL!

    @Christy, you sweet little thing! Your list was great! The serial killer really "killed" me! LOL! Too funny! And was that "accidental" shot with the .44 REALLY an accident? LOL!

    Seriously, you've given me so much to laugh about today @Steven. THANK YOU! This post and all the comments were so needed. I just can't tell you how much.

  25. @Denise yes, @Steven is now officially El Presidente. I like Ms. El Presidente for @Christy, but maybe El Presidente should decide if she's the First Lady or Ms. El Presidente. Which is it El Presidente? Let us know, and we your loyal followers will abide. ;-)

    I meant to comment on a few of El Presidente's items too.

    * Seriously bro? The hamster was dead for a week? LOL!

    * Bro. I really hate to break it to you, but the hair is never going to grow back on the koala. Stop waiting.

    * How much "sleep" do you think rats need? LOL!

    Gotta admit though, I'd have tried the dirt thing with my cats. They use it outside. Why not inside? WTF?

  26. First, this is a great post @Steven64! Very funny comments! I'd never have the courage to post some of my dumb moments if some of you hadn't posted yours. Mine aren't nearly as funny as yours though. Here they are just the same.

    1. Did we all marry the wrong person first? I did. @Christy, I didn't get a honeymoon the next day either. My husband made me get up and attend a dirt bike rally. Oh joy. I hate that stuff. But there I was at 5:00am until sundown.

    2. Rode a dirt bike. That didn't go well. I was tring to be a supportive wife and be interested in what he was because it was the only way I'd see him. Did I mention I hate that stuff? I was bruised and sore for weeks from taking a severe tumble. Lucky I didn't break something.

    3. Sold a dirt bike. For too little. The husband wasn't happy. Damned if I do and damened if I don't. He said sell it, so I did. He wanted more money for it. That was a week long fight.

    4. Left a cardboard box of clothes out in the rain, and then forgot about them for a week. They were stored next to the garage and I meant to bring them in when I was unloading the car, but forgot. They molded in a week. Yuck!

    5. Had my dog groomed in a "lion" cut. That's just a very bad look for any dog. It was my mom's suggestion. She saw it on some show and when she described it, it sounded cool. NOT!

    6. Collected a lot of cans thinking I was going to get rich by trading them in. I walked and rode my bike everywhere looking for cans. Dug in the trash, and asked strangers for their cans. Built up a huge stock and had my dad take me to the place to cash them in. Less than $10 later I was sitting in my room, crying.

    7. Became a groupie of a band. Not a successful band. A deadbeat band. I was in love with the drummer. I followed them everywhere and did all kinds of stuff for them (get your minds out of the gutter). I unloaded equipment, bought them alcohol, bought them food, you name it. I quit my job and basically just was their unpaid roadie.

    8. Planted a field of flowers because I thought it would be pretty. Then I found out it was freaking illegal when the cops showed up and told me to stop. Why is it illegal to make something pretty? They said I was vandalizing the side of the road and threatened to ticket me. Um, OK.

    9. Went skinny dipping in what I thought was a remote location. Not. I was alone and happy, swimming, jumping into the water, having a good time. Then I spotted the group of Boy Scouts camping just beyond the trees on the other side. They were lined up with cameras! I didn't know boys could be so quiet. Worst part? Their leader was there too!

    10. Let my car run out of gas in the middle of nowhere. I knew it was low and I ignored it. I just thought there would be a station over the next hill or over the next horizon. Nope. Not even close.

    There you go. That's my list.

  27. @Sushi Lover: The dirt thing was my thinking too! What do they do when they're out? Just hold it? The hamster wasn't just dead, it was gone! I didn't do pets for a while after that. And the koala... Enh, I got nothin'.

    @Denise and @Sushi:
    "El Presidente" is way cool but I'm more of first name kinda president. Plus, it's too damn long to type! However, I reserve the right to invoke it from time to time when I'm feeling particularly full of myself, and always in the third person. "El Presidente has declared that fill in the blank!" (You guys can too if you're feeling particularly subservient.)

    @Christy: The gunplay worried me a little. I mean, you're so...sweet. But only most of the time, apparently. LOL! (Gonna go Google Kevlar now...)

    @Shay: You realize we're gonna keep an eye out for you now. Just sayin'...

    I just have to add that @Tom's buckshot ass and @Tin Roof's abandoned brother (100 miles? Really?) continue to crack me up. When I first read everyone's lists, I was in tears. I was so pissed off about AT&T this morning, but I was laughing my ass of in spite of myself. Veddy nice.

    Speaking of...them. AT&T finally showed and fixed the problem. A single stinkin' wire outside. But the dude stayed an hour and was diligent about finding and fixing the problem. Clearly AT&T goofed hiring him - he's too good.

  28. @Ally Cat is it really illegal to plant flowers on the side of the road? Dumb! And dirt bikes suck. You're better off without the ex and without the bikes!

  29. El... I mean @Steven. I'm disappointed. I was really digging the title bro! I wanted to title your lady too!

    LOL! About the Kevlar! You talk to her all the time bro. Was this your first clue? LOL!

    I can't believe AT&T hired a good employee. He won't last long. But good for you that you got him before he left!

  30. I'm disappointed too. I liked El Presidente. LOL! It was fun! Much more fun to write than @Steven or @Steven64. ;)

    But we are your loyal followers and we will abide by the rules of the land as you have put them forth. As long as @Christy is still the VP/First Lady, @Hooka is still the Treasurer, @Sushi is still the Secretary, and @Betty Lou is still the Historian. LOL!

    We love your blog. :)

  31. Great title! Good post! Funny comments! Made me laugh! Keep it up! I like it! Way to go!

  32. I'm sorry, but I just had to post a comment about a few of these because they are so funny!

    1. Buckshot in the ass of a dude! @Tom you made me spit coffee everywhere! And the car thing, that's so my husband!

    2. @Tin Roof how do you not realize an entire person is missing from your car? For 100 miles! And then to comment. "What a waste of time." I nearly hurt myself laughing!

    3. Spying on a serial killer who turned out to be an artist! @Christy that was classic! I was laughing so hard because I could imagine me doing that too! And you're right! If he had been, you would have saved the day!

    4. The "sleeping" rat! Oh @Steven64. You poor baby. LOL! That was hysterical!

    OMG! These were so funny! Thank you to all of you for making me laugh today! @Steven64 you picked a really good topic. We all do really dumb things in our lives. I'm glad people on here felt comfortable enough to share some of theirs. This was a lot of fun. :-)

  33. One question. Where is @Hooka? I'm missing our Treasurer. Now that's a list I want to see!

    Dear... um... Pres... um... @Steven... That just feels so wrong now bro. We need our Treasurer. Get him in here! LOL!

  34. @Alley Cat: I'm starting to think we all married the same two people. They were, like, psychotic siblings or something. Spooky. I was chuckling at the recurring theme of dirt bikes in your (distant?) past, but it was the band groupie that had me laughing. I mean out loud. "Not a successful band." I was rollin'!

    @Sushi and @Denise:
    I'm sorry to bum you out. :-( The rest of the officer's titles still stand though! But feel free to toss 'El Presidente' in there every now and then. Just so, y'know, people don't f'get who's in charge. Lol! (@Sushi, I loved the Dear…um…El… um… @Steven.)

    @Little T and @Dana: Glad you're diggin' it! :-)

    Sure wish we could get a tally on our numbers thus far…@HOOKA! LOL!

  35. How could we forget who's in charge, your supreme highness oh grand El Presidente, Sir @Steven? We know who da man is up in he-ya! LOL! Of course we also know you're only half of a really great power couple, and everyone knows who is really in charge behind the scenes of every great power couple. ;-) (that's right, our Lady, @Christy) LOL!

    Just kidding. You know we think you're the best! I'm with all the others who said it, this post has been a lot of fun! I know when @Hooka finally shows up, it's going to be really wild. Watch out! Glad your internet is fixed so you can keep up in person this time. @Christy did a fabulous job last time, but you might want to be in the loop in person on this one. LOL!

  36. @All..for the ladies that ignored the check engine light; by chance are you blondes?

  37. Let's see. Where to begin.

    1. Yep. Bad first husband. But good news! I have an incredible fiancé now, and he is the love of my life! Perhaps, @Steven, you've found yours too now? :-)

    2. A move across the country to be with said bad first husband. Enough said.

    3. Getting rid of all my albums because said bad first husband told me they took up too much room and were too heavy to move.

    4. Not divorcing said first bad husband soon enough.

    5. Racing a car at 2:00am on a lonely stretch of road against a guy who challenged me, and getting caught by the police.

    6. Standing in front of a room full of people, thinking I could sing, when I really couldn't. Who invented Karaoke anyway?

    7. Getting a dog because I thought it would be nice to have the company. It barked all the time. All the time. All the time.

    8. Watching Howard the Duck, not once, but twice. Don't ask why.

    9. Going fishing with a boyfriend at an unheard of hour of the morning, just to impress him, only to figure out I don't like fishing, I don't like fish, I don't like early mornings, and I didn't much like him.

    10. Working as a waitress in a place where they wouldn't let me write things down. My memory is about as long as... what was I saying?

  38. @Sarah: OMGLMAO! I was out for a bit and @Christy was like, "When you get home, you've got to read what Sarah wrote!" Your first sentence killed me! "How could we forget who's in charge, your supreme highness…"

    @Michelle: You officially get The Most Improved List Award. I started reading it and I was like, "Aw…aw…awww…". And then, around #5, I started going, "Uh…uh…". By #7, I was freaking laughing my ass off! George Lucas didn't even see Howard the Duck twice. Just LMAO!!

  39. Now I feel like I have to post my own list, instead of just commenting on @Steven64's. Here goes.

    10. Hitchhiked from college to my hometown and didn't tell my parents.

    9. Opened a restaurant on a wing and a prayer, and failed.

    8. Joined a gym, and joined a gym, and joined a gym, and joined a gym.

    7. Decided to raise chickens in the city without knowing it's illegal.

    6. Drove my car into a building while distracted by a girlfriend.

    5. Tried to sneak into a concert and didn't make it, but did see jail for a night.

    4. Told a mechanic to do what needed to be done without asking how much first.

    3. Bought a house two years ago and paid too freaking much for it because the value dropped big time three months later. I'm bitter.

    2. Married the wrong woman.

    1. Let the love of my life get away. Biggest regret and by far the dumbest move of my entire life. I'd give anything to do this one over and ask her to marry me.

  40. LOL! Thanks @Christy and @Steven! Glad you liked my line! I'm guessing that title is a little too long for your day-to-day tastes, right. ;-)

    @Night Owl, good list, but your #1 at the bottom made me sad. I wish you could reconnect with her. Maybe she's feeling the same.

  41. @Night Owl:
    Note to self: Farm shit (chickens, flowers) ain't allowed in the city. I'm with @Sarah, man. Not to get too sappy, but finding your lost love would be really cool. And not to push, but it's a helluva lot easier to track our past down now than it's ever been. (Just ask our Veep.)

    @Sarah: Yeah, that revised "title" might get a little cumbersome to type. But it was freakin' hysterical!

  42. Hey, can't a guy go on a short vaca with his wife? LOL! Thanks @All for missing me! Your Treasurer is back!

    Nice post Commander in Chief! Awesome responses! I see some of you want my list. OK, but you have to indulge me first because I feel moved right now, especially after seeing the #1 thing for most of you.

    First, I'm still married to my original wife and wouldn't have it any other way; got it right the first time. I have to take a moment for her because she does read this, and I hope you guys indulge me because we just had the most amazing impromptu romantic long weekend. Truth here honey.

    She's the best woman I know, and has the kindest, sweetest, most gentle heart. She's the real deal, no fakeness. When she says "I love you" she means it, and I'm lucky to hear it every day. Just hearing her laugh makes me laugh because it's genuine and contagious. When something happens in my day, she's the first person I want to tell whether good or bad. When I need advice, she's the only person I want to ask. She's smart and well read. She's also silly and kind of goofy, but in a cute way. She knows how to do things I don't, she knows things I don't, and that's incredibly sexy and cool. She's curvy and feminine, which I adore. She works a full-time job, takes care of our house (yes I help), takes care of me (I do her too), cares about her friends, loves her family, and loves our pets. She's amazing. And she's talented. She can see an image and paint it from memory and it's somehow better than what we just saw in real life. But one of the best things is that I truly enjoy doing things with her. I like hanging out with her, going places with her, taking trips with her, going shopping with her, running errands with her, doing chores together, cooking together, watching movies or TV, going to museums, going to the symphony, plays, etc. I simply love my wife. We've been married a long time and I can't imagine my life without her in it. That's what it all comes down to. I can't imagine my life without her in it.

    And that, my friends who are looking for your second spouse, is the way you should feel when you find him or her. I sincerely, with all of my heart wish you all the very best in finding that person. I really do. I think everyone should have a person like my wife in their life. And if you do find that person, don't screw it up! LOL! Marry him or her!

    OK, now to my list.

    1. Decided I was old enough to drive when I was ten and wrecked my mom's car. Couldn't reach the pedals so I strapped some blocks to my feet and it worked. Until I hit a tree.

    2. My grandpa had a small ranch with cows. I decided they needed to be set free. I was almost put up for adoption.

    3. Went exploring in the wilderness where my grandpa lived. Didn't tell anyone. Found a cave. You know, it's easy getting INTO a cave when you're alone. A day later I was almost put up for adoption a second time.

    4. Pulled the beard off the fake Santa at the mall and yelled, "Fake!" Do you know how loud little kids scream and cry?

    5. Made a face for my freshman year book photo and they used it.

    6. Secretly convinced the youth choir I was part of at church to sing "Don't Stand So Close To Me" by the Police instead of whatever hymn we were supposed to when the director cued us. If I hadn't been too old, I probably would have been put up for adoption.

    7. Jokingly mentioned something about me being a terrorist (I'm short, round, bald, white, middle-aged) at the airport, and was promptly escorted to a private room with all my bags. Missed my flight.

    8. Tried out for the basketball team in junior high. Did I mention I'm short? And round? I was then too.

    9. Thought I could fix a plumbing leak. It's cheaper to call the plumber before you begin working on it.

    10. Ripped my pants on a business trip and wore them anyway. Didn't think anyone could really see. They could.

  43. @All, I'd like to apologize if my previous post seemed extremely self-indulgent. It was. I meant nothing bad. I wanted all the first time bad marriage people to know it's possible to find a really awesome one. I have faith that you all will. I honestly do.

  44. @Hooka, welcome back! It's so good to see you here! I read your ode to your wife and had tears in my eyes! I'd love to read something like that from a man who loves me. OMG! It was beautiful!

    From my perspective, there was no need to apologize. I know your heart was in the right place. I've read a lot of stuff on here and on @Christy's blog the past several days (catching up) and you seem like a nice guy. It was a sweet thing for your wife and it was a sweet wish for everyone who is still single and looking for that perfect person for them.

    I loved your list btw. It was great!

  45. Thanks, @Betty Lou. I appreciate that. I was caught up in the moment when I wrote it and probably should have read it before I posted it. I didn't realize it was so long until I posted something on @Christy's blog and came back here. I'm usually a short sentence kind of guy. Today, I'm very love with my wife. Thinking about asking for the afternoon off so I can go home early and see her.

  46. You're welcome @Hooka. :-) Go! Be with her! She'd love it!

  47. @Hooka: Sir, you didn't file your 10-33 Vacation Form in triplicate, to say nothing of your 11-66 Absence Report (in quadruplicate - you get to keep a copy for yourself). Kidding! We can let the paperwork slide…this time. LOL! Welcome back, Mr. Treasurer. We've courageously tried to carry on in your absence, but your return is most welcome. :-)

    In all sincerity, your wife sounds like an amazing person. But then again, so do you. Your impromptu jaunt sounds like it was everything any sane person could hope for. And I'm really, really glad you didn't have to go through the trauma of a starter-spouse. Yeesh! Most of us have had to live and learn. You've gotten to simply live. Lucky man. And I'm with @Betty Lou - no need for apologies or explanations. What you wrote was wonderful. Sometimes you just have to go with the moment. No proofreading, no second guessing - just heartfelt spontaneity. ('Course, now I feel like a complete slacker! LOL!)

    Re: #5 - LMAO! "Y'know, if you keep making that face, it's gonna stay that way!" #8 - I'm tall and slim and can't play basketball worse than Gary Coleman. (And he's dead!) #9 - @Christy's starter husband is a plumber. I could probably dig up his number. ;-P

    @Betty Lou: Nice to see you, Madame Historian! @Christy and I were just wondering about you and @Hooka. (It's amazing how missed you can become after, like, a day!) And, naturally, I have to make a token effort to peer-pressure you into posting a list. But it's a…gentle pressure. :-)

    UPDATE: I just heard that the devil has reserved a suite in hell for AT&T. In the basement.

  48. Mr. President, I'm working on my list, but it's kind of boring. I'm afraid to post it!

    Agree about AT&T!

  49. @hooka

    thanks for being married to your "original wife" because I am with my "original husband" too, for 25 years (26 years this year)
    And I would marry him again :-))

  50. @sorei, thanks for sharing! I love hearing that there are people out there who are still with their original spouses and who would marry them again! Me too!

    Congratulations on 26 years this year!

  51. @sorei, @Betty Lou, and @Hooka - It's wonderful to hear about people who are still married and in love with their first husbands and wives! Yay!

    I really like hearing that you all would marry them again! That's so awesome! :-)

  52. @sorei: I think I'm gonna cry! LOL! Seriously, Happy Anniversary on your 26th year together. :-)

    @Betty Lou: Stupid is never boring! LOL! And I'm glad you're happily-hubby'd too.

    (stealthily peeks around corner) Eyyye...seeee...youuuu...

    @Hooka: See what you started? You romantic, you.

  53. @Hooka..glad to see there are romantics out there still with #1...I have been with mine going on 21 years. Wouldn't trade him for the world, he is the best.

    Love all the stories.

    For other those still looking..don't give up!

  54. OK everyone. Prepare for sappy, because I'm in that kind of mood right now. :-)

    @Hooka, your love letter to your wife was so sweet and genuine; it brought tears to my eyes. Honestly. I was crying when Steven called me a few minutes ago. What a wonderful and unexpected moment on @Steven's blog! Thank you! And I'm with @Betty Lou and @Steven, no need for apologies, my friend. It was fine.

    @Steven, you're not a slacker, you've sent amazing love letters in private. Public professions are extremely cool, but private moments are treasures that touch my soul.

    @sorei, congratulations on your upcoming 26th anniversary! Wow! I love hearing that you'd marry him again.

    @Amanda, hooray for 21 years with your husband! You sound so happy and in love!

    It's so cool to know there are people like @Hooka, @sorei, and @Amanda out there who got it right with the first one and are still happy and in love. I'm a romantic at heart, and I love this kind of stuff! I know this wasn't the direction @Steven planned for his blog, but it's really kind of cool! :-)

    For those out there who are still looking, I'm with @Amanda, don't give up. You never know when or where you'll find love.

    @Night Owl, I'm proof that looking up someone from your past just to see where they are in their life can turn into something very incredible. I looked up @Steven after 13 years, and now, wow! If you're single, try to find the lost love of your life on Facebook or by any other means. She may be single too. The worst that can happen is that you don't find her. The best that can happen is that you find her, reconnect, fall in love all over again in a better way, and maybe live happily ever after. It's worth trying. Trust me. :-)

  55. (slipping into my invisi-cloak so @Steven can't see me...must maintain lurker status)

    @Christy very nice post. I love this line - "Public professions are extremely cool, but private moments are treasures that touch my soul." It's the touch my soul part that really got to me.

    And @Night Owl, I'm with @Christy. Try to find her! It's amazing how easy it is today. Don't be afraid. Now is the time to be bold and go for love. Wait. Are you single? Maybe we need to verify this before we go encouraging him. LOL!

  56. @Christy, I can see more and more why you're @Steven's First Lady. :-)

    I'm preparing my list. Be warned The Historian's list will arrive soon. ;-)

  57. @Hooka, @sorei, @Amanda, you're so very lucky to have gotten it right with your first love. That's the way it should be. Thank you all for sharing! It's so nice, especially after hearing about how everyone else messed up the first time. I needed to hear from you. :-)

    @Hooka the letter to your wife was! I'm with @Christy. I was crying. It was something I'd love to hear from a man who loved me. I've never had anyone write me a love letter. @Christy, you're so very lucky to have gotten one or some from @Steven. I knew he was an awesome guy! I'm with you, public professions of love are very cool (like he's done on your blog and a little bit more here @Steven), but love letters should be private (no offense @Hooka, just in general). :-)

    I wasn't expecting to read comments like this today, but I have to tell you, all of you have brightened my day. Thank you! I really like coming here.

  58. I'm chiming in. I married the love of my life the first time 24 years ago yesterday, so I'm very happy to say I got it right the first time too.

    I'd do it again too @sorei. Love him more today than I did when I walked down the aisle 24 years ago. He's the best man I know in life.

    @Hooka good for you for posting your letter to your wife! I loved it. Yes, I cried too.

    @Steven you're a good man for writing your lady private love letters! @Christy you're lucky. Not many women get them, incuding me, but my wonderful hubby does other things, like leave me little post it notes in random places every day with with the words "I Love You!" written on them. It's his version of a love letter, and I've saved every single one of them over the years. He hasn't missed a single day in 24 years.

  59. This is your Historian, @Betty Lou, posting her official list of dim/dumb things. Ready? No? Well, whatever.

    1. Thought having 7 kids was a good idea. Not really. The last two were accidents, but don’t tell them.

    2. Making my grand entrance into my wedding on a horse. It really isn’t the romantic thing you’d think it would be. Smelly, dirty, and the dress would lay right. Plus the horse was cantankerous.

    3. Entering a marathon and not training for it. Sounded like a good idea when my girlfriend suggested it a year before, then she trained day in and day out while I sat on my behind and ate cookies and cream ice cream. I didn’t finish.

    4. Hey @Christy! I did the boiled egg thing too! LOL! It was the worst smell ever! I put mine on and left to visit with a friend in the front yard. Hours later, I found the exploded egg in my kitchen.

    5. Hey @Christy! We have more in common! I almost shot my dear hubby. I love him more than I can tell you, and yes, he is my first and only. This was a total accident. He was teaching me gun safety too and I thought all the rounds had been shot. Nope. There was one left when I swung the gun up and my finger pulled the trigger. It missed him by a hair. I nearly died on the spot.

    6. Tried to build a tree house when I was a girl and broke my arm when I fell.

    7. Brought home a “garden snake” that turned out to be some kind of poisonous something or other. It was in a jar. Mom was mad. Yes, I picked it up with my bare hands to get it in the jar. Lucky.

    8. Don’t laugh. I bought magic beans. REALLY! I was 6 years old and kind of fuzzy on the whole Jack and the Beanstalk story. I thought they were real. Paid my stupid neighbor $1 and a Barbie. Mom got them back. They were pinto beans is what I’ve been told. Yes, I still hear about it today.

    9. Tried out for choir in high school. I can’t sing. Tried out again the next year. I still couldn’t sing. Tried out again the following year. I still couldn’t sing. Tried out again the final year. And I still couldn’t sing. Guess what I wanted my major in college to be…singing.

    10. Ran away from home when I was 7 and made it as far as the corner store. Decided I could live inside there for a while. They found me at closing and called my mom.

  60. @Kris: Your guys' anniversary was yesterday? Nice timing finding us all talking about this stuff today! Congrats on your (almost) quarter century of wedded bliss. And in guy-math, 24 years worth of Post It® notes equals one helluva love letter! (More or less, kinda sorta. lol)

    @Denise: I'm right there with ya. I wasn't expecting comments like this today either. But warm and fuzzy kinda soothes the soul no matter what you're expecting. This has been a pleasant surprise. (@Hooka!)

  61. Um, I've been a little busy with work today, and my eyes are kind of blurry. But did I wander into the Lifetime blog by mistake? LOL!

    @Steven what happened bro? @Hooka you got all mushy on me. I'll cut you some slack. You're in love with your lady and I totally get that. It's honestly very cool dude. :-)

    Good to have you back @Hooka!

  62. Hey, I just though of something.

    "Hooka" could be a great new bit of neo-cyberslang for "sweet" (adj. hooka; adverb hooka'd). Like, "Sue, I just got hooka'd by my boyfriend!" Or, "Dude, I just hooka'd my wife!" Or, "Omigod, flowers? For me? You're so hooka, honey." I can see it now. T-shirts, mugs, ball caps, greeting cards, it's endless...endless...

  63. @Christy very nice comment, Ms. VP/First Lady! I dig you!

    @Shay does your cloak only work with @Steven, cuz I can see you! LOL!

    @Betty Lou excellent list Ms. Historian! Magic beans??? Really??? Um, I don't know. The Cabinet may have to consult about your status. LOL!

  64. LMAO! @Steven!

    Awesome bro! I sent my girl a card yesterday she called today and told me how hooka I was!

  65. about being dim:

    I was the last one to notice I was seriously in love with the guy I married. I was convinced I'd NEVER marry. Marriage is doomed to fail, whether there is a divorce or not. I was not about to fall in love, I was not about to love and not about to marry.
    It took me 3 years to see I loved him.3 very dim years.
    When I noticed though, when I woke up one morning and I thought: Oh dear. You love him!
    I ran to the phone and proposed to him. Asked him to marry me. I had completely forgotten I never wanted to marry.
    I am still glad he said yes :D

  66. @Steven,

    I was standing on the corner the other day, and this old couple was crossing the street. He had her arm to make sure she didn't fall. She looked up at him with hooka in her eyes when they reached my side of the street.

  67. @Betty Lou: Yay! for your list. I knew you could do it. @Christy and I were talking about you and wondering how many constituted a "brood". 7 qualifies! (Well, 5 + 2 oopses) #8 - Did you get sea monkeys too? The wedding on a horse sounds very cool, but apparently…oops again. And you chicks and your guns! Men wage wars abroad, but women? Women wage war at home. LOL!

    @Sushi Sec: Yeah, yeah, I know - just go with it. Get in touch with your inner Oxygen. Re: Hooka-isms - LMAO!

    @sorei: OMG, you so made up for 3 years of dimness by proposing to him! :-)

    @Shay: You realize you're now only a pseudo-lurker, right? Cloak or no cloak, you're outted!

  68. @sorei that is an AMAZING story! I love it!

  69. @sorei That is a wonderful story!. Sorry it took you 3 years to realize you loved him but yay it worked out!

    @Christy private love letters are the best! I treasure mine from my guy too.

  70. @Hooka,@Kris, your posts again, that's how I feel about my husband. He is the love of my life and it took me a long time to find him. I got married later in life (close to 30) and haven't looked back. He is a great husband and a wonderful father. I married him for his smarts, he helps the kids with the homework :-) he is witty, funny and sensitive.
    @Christy right about private moments are treasures that can touch a soul, I tell my husband it's not what you buy me it's the thought that goes into that makes it's special. Some of the most precious treasures I have rececived haven't cost alot but a lot of effort went into them. I still cherish the Mother's Day card I received that had pictures of our children through the years with stories next to each picture...ah the memories..

  71. @sorei, your love story is priceless. Wow, three years! But you know what? I'm a believer in everything happening for a reason, and there has to be a reason it took you that long to realize you loved him. You probably got to know him on a different level and in a very different way than you would have if you had been "in love" that whole time. I'm just so happy you had your epiphany and are now 26 years later still very much in love with him. What an incredible story! :-)

    @Amanda, it sounds like you have a wonderful husband! I loved reading your description of him. You sound like a woman still in love after all these years and that's awesome! Good for you for taking your time and finding the perfect man for you! :-)

    @Kris, your story about the "I love you" notes is sigh worthy! I picture this big box of all these notes you've collected over the years, and any day you need just a little reminder of how much your husband loves you, you can take it out and see thousands of "I love you's" in his handwriting. That's romantic.

    @Betty Lou, oh my. I'm with @Sushi on the magic beans and needing to call a cabinet meeting about your status. LOL! Actually, it was really cute. You made me laugh!

    @Steven and @Sushi, I love the "hooka" slang!

  72. @All who encouraged me to look up my old love, yes, I'm currently single. LOL! I don't know. It's a very scary thing to put myself out there for rejection. This is the love of my life! What if she doesn't want me or is married? I'll be even more heartbroken.

  73. @Christy you were really brave looking up @Steven after 13 years. I admire that. Looks like things are working out really well for you two. Maybe I should be braver. I don't know though. Were you hoping to find love or just wondering about him?

  74. @Night Owl: If she doesn't even wanna meet you, she's got more issues than you! LOL! (Of course, I mean that in the most positive way.)

    Seriously, you'll know when you're ready to look her up. When your curiosity trumps your fear of rejection, it will be time for you to seek her out, grasshoppah. And, really, the worst that can happen is...nothing.

  75. @Night Owl, I was just wondering where @Steven was in life and what had happened to him. I NEVER expected things to work out the way they have for us. Very unexpected and very wonderful. But to be honest, it was a friend who suggested I look him up on Facebook. I did, but it still took me several weeks to send him a private message asking if he remembered me (I didn't think he would). He responded right away and was excited to hear from me. I was thrilled! We began e-mailing and things took off from there.

    @Steven is right. You'll know when you're ready to look her up. Just go with your instinct and trust that things will work out the way they should. You just never know, maybe now is the time for y'all to get back together and continue your life together. But like @Steven said, the worst that can happen is nothing. All will be fine.

  76. @Christy and @Steven, thanks. I really appreciate the words of encouragement and support. Since I wrote that list, I've really been thinking about her, and to be honest, it's had me down. You know, regrets about life, what could have been, what maybe should have been, what was, and what isn't.

    What I've come to realize is that I can do something about it now. It's too late to change the past, but it isn't too late to change the future. I can sit here and wallow in my thoughts about how I screwed up by letting her go, or I can do something to try to find her and see if we might still have a chance together. I mean I loved this woman. I may have married someone else, but this woman is the only one I've ever really, truly loved. Yeah, I feel like an ass for marry the other one, but I can't change that. I've made my amends there. Right now, I want to see the love of my life again.

    If it worked for the two of you, maybe it will work for me. And you know what, if it doesn't pan out, at least I'll be able to say I tried and I'll never wonder "what if".

    So I'm going to think about it, do some research, and when the time feels right, I'll go for it. If it works out, I'll have you two to thank. If it doesn't, don't worry, I won't blame you. LOL!

    Thanks again. You both helped me get out of a funk I've been in.

  77. @Night Owl: Dude, trust me. You ain't alone in the regret department. I guess in a way, this whole blog post was about regret. We think of the funny stuff and even share it, but lurking beneath the surface is all the do-overs we wish we could have. All the woulda-coulda-shouldas. And all the missed opportunities. Like you said, we can't change the past, but opportunities aren't always missed forever. Sometimes they're just...delayed.

    If you wanna get fateful or karmic about it, sometimes the delay can even be good. @Christy and I are different people now than we were 13 years ago. Who knows what would've happened if we hadn't had a 13 year time-out? There may be a grand, cosmic reason that, for whatever reason, you and your true love didn't end up together way back when. (And I'm not trying to be sarcastic or flippant with the 'cosmic' thing.)

    I saw a documentary the other day and this physicist said, "Nothing happens in nature only once. And everything happens for a reason." Do your homework, bide your time, and when inspiration strikes, send that email. She may be married with kids; she may be single and thrilled to hear from you; she may not want to have anything to do with you at all. But your world will keep spinning on its axis, regardless. And you won't have another "what if" notched on your belt. (I was gonna say "bedpost", but that seemed like jumping the gun a bit.)

    We're gonna hold you to your promise though: Whatever eventually happens, it's not our fault! LOL!

  78. @Night Owl you need to go for it when the time feels right. @Steven is right, we all have things we regret or wonder what if, but that doesn't do any good. Don't let this be one of those "what if" moments.

    I also think @Steven is right about the timing. Perhaps you and your lady needed these years to change for each other. Look at @Steven and @Christy. Apparently 13 years made a good difference for them! They seem very in love and a very good couple (from what I've read on both their blogs). Hopefully it will be the same for you and your lady.

    I wish you the very best, and if it works out, will you update us at some point or maybe send @Steven an email so he can update us? I'd love to know how it turns out. :-)

  79. I just wanted to say, well said @Christy and @Steven...everything. Your advice and words of encouragement to @Night Owl were very nice.

    @Night Owl, hang in there. I'm with the others. You'll know when the time is right. Just have faith. And if, for some reason, things don't work out with this woman, know that there is a reason. I firmly believe it will be because there is another person out there who is better suited for you. Honestly, I do.

  80. Why is this so off topic?

  81. Because @Steven, who is the moderator and in charge of the blog is OK with it being so. Smile and be happy. :-)

  82. I second that, @Betty Lou!

  83. I third that @Betty Lou & Sushi Lover...

  84. I fourth that @Betty Lou, @Sushi and @Amanda! Oh...wait. Am I even allowed to fourth it?

  85. I fifth that @Betty Lou, @Sushi, @Amanda, and @Steven (even though yours is questionable).;-)

  86. ....I am curious:

    what in this discussion is "off topic" in your opinion, Anonymous?

    Btw, the question "why" most of the times leads nowhere. Ever payed attention to what people answer? "I don't know" is a favored one ;)

    Even if it were off topic, it can still mean:

    off topic: good

    (relationships and being dim somehow have lots in common though)

  87. I sixth that @Betty Lou, @Sushi, @Amanda, @Steven, and @Christy.

    @sorei you're right on every count. Cheers!

  88. @sorei: Wow. @Christy and I were on the phone and read your comment at the same time. "Relationships and being dim somehow have lots in common though" - we both really liked that because it's so true! Some of the dumbest things I've done in my life were because of a woman! LOL!

    Last night, she and I also talked about what "good" is. We both thought it was interesting how this particular blog post veered off in a very different and very pleasant direction from where it started. But that's kind've the way conversations go. They go in one direction and -boop!- they change course and go elsewhere. As far as I can tell, the direction this conversation took was good, but a different good than before. We went from funny-good to sentimental-good at warp speed. (Gimme a break everybody. My avatar is Spock.)

    @Christy: I'm keeping my fourth. Dammit.

  89. Wow! I have a lot of reading to catch up on in here. Now I know what I'm going to be doing tonight. LOL! :-)

  90. Hey @Me! Welcome back. :-)

    @Ally Cat: But...but...I feel like I just saw you! LOL!

  91. @Steven you did, but noooot heeere...

  92. @Ally Cat: LOL! Touché m'dear, touché. :-)

  93. @Steven, since you are El Presidente, I suppose you can keep your fourth. ;-)

  94. LOL! @sorei!

    (relationships and being dim somehow have lots in common though)


  95. All the lists are great! I've been reading off and on for a few days and laughing! I'd like to post my list, but it's not going to be anywhere near this funny! I'll try to get mine on before tomorrow.

    And I love, love, love, love, love all the postings about first marriages and how much you all are still in love with your first husbands and wives. You just made my day! It's so nice to hear that!

    @Steven, @Christy, @Hooka, @Sushi, @Betty Lou - You make a great cabinet! I really like that @Steven is the President and @Christy is the VP/First Lady! I don't remember who made it, but the power couple comment was great! They are!

    I have to tell you all that you've really cheered me up. You people are so great! I've been kind of down lately and this whole thing has been very fun to read.

  96. Welcome back @Tammy! Sorry to hear you've been down lately, but glad the posts here have cheered you up.

    @sorei I'm with LoLo about that line. LOL! Perfect!

    @Christy I think @Steven being the fourth is questionable too, but I guess you're right, he is El Presidente so he gets to do what he wants. LOL! ;-)

    @Steven thanks for letting this go in the directions it has. It's been so much fun! I appreciate the way you let us talk about things. I also appreciate the way you let us joke about things (El Presidente). Both your blog and @Christy's are a lot of fun to visit and participate in. I've laughed a lot reading both, and you two are a big part of that. You both let people have fun. Thank you. :-)

  97. @Mr. President, you have my sincere apologies for not filing my 10-33 Vacation Form in triplicate and my 66 Absence Report in quadruplicate. I do hope this doesn't jeopardize my position as Treasurer; however, if it does, I will campaign to be reinstated and believe I now have a loyal following to back me (see comments regarding my heartfelt love letter to my wife).

    Seriously, @Everyone. Thanks for all the great thoughts and comments about what I wrote to my wife. I appreciate it. I did felt like I messed up after I posted it, but you’re a great group of people. My wife has read every word you’ve written too. It’s been a pleasure reading about all the love and first marriages that are still going strong.

    To those who are looking for #2 or have found someone who may be #2 someday, it’s possible to find the love of your life. True love does exist. I’m a guy and I believe in it. Love is real.

    I also want to say, you’ll never see me write this much again in my life! LOL! Catch you later!

    @Hooka signing out for now.

  98. @Hooka you ain't going nowhere bro! Right El President? LOL! Good to have you back.

    @sorei good last line!

  99. Where is El Presidente? Haven't seen him today. @Christy is he down again?

  100. @Sushi: I'm here! I'm here! I mean, sort of. I got a bunch of projects, one after the other, but I've been monitoring (as presidentes are wont to do), but I haven't had time to post today. Yet. ;-P

    @Tammy, @Denise and @Hooka: Weird. I didn't get a ding in my email that you guys had even posted today! I gotta go for now, but at least I have something to look forward to later. :-)

  101. I checked with my Chief of Staff and he said I could spend a few minutes with my constituency. (I love president-speak!)

    @Tammy: Nice to see you, girl! Glad we were able to pierce your cloud cover with a little sunshine. :-) (And love the 'cabinet' line! LOL!)

    @Denise: You are just too sweet. I think I can speak for @Christy when I say that the joy and laughter you (and others) have gotten from our blogs have made them a very worthwhile endeavor indeed. :-) And it honestly never even occurred to me to get us "back on track". (The haters can just kiss my ass!)

    @Hooka: You get a pass on the paper work 'cos you're a romantic sap and we love ya. You make the rest of us GUYS look good! LOL!

  102. @Steven I decided to check back in after a few days and what do I find? Your blog has taken a turn for the romantic! I love it! And it all seems to have started with @Hooka Looka. Thanks @Hooka Looka! This has been so nice to read.

    I'm a second timer, but I know I'm getting it right this time. I'm marrying the love of my life. I know I am because everything about this man and everything about our relationship is different than the first time. Like others here, I think he's the best person I know and I can't imagine my life without him. I only wish I had met him sooner, but like someone else said, I think it was @Christy, there is probably a reason we didn't meet sooner. We had to become who we are today to be perfect for each other. I love him. I can't say that enough. He's changed my life in so many ways. I'm looking forward to building a life with him and growing old with him. He's just the best.

    Thank you @Steven for letting me go on about my fiance. I never thought I'd meet the love of my life. I really didn't. I had completely given up. But this man is my true love.

  103. @Michelle: I'm feeling all verklempt now! ;-P

  104. LOL! I'm sappy about him, I know. I've just never felt such love for someone before. And I know he feels the same way about me. I see it in his eyes. I see it in his actions. I hear it in his words. I feel it in his touch. It's AMAZING! I'm just a woman in love. :-)

    It's incredible when you meet the love of your life!

  105. Thank you @Steven. Was that directed at me?

  106. @Michelle: I think I've finally figured out the purpose of the starter-spouses. They help us figure out what we really want! Kinda like process of elimination. "OK, I know I don't want...that. Or...that. Or...". LOL!

    I'm really happy for you guys. And you're so damn cute about it. :-)

  107. @Michelle: Oops. Yup, that was directed at you, m'dear.

  108. Awwww! Thanks! I think I annoy some people with my mushiness. And I think you're right about the purpose of starter-spouses. By the time I met my fiance I really knew what I did and didn't want in a husband. The thing was that I never thought I'd meet a man who would love me like he does and meet all the things I did and didn't want. Boy did I get lucky!

    I wish the same for everyone I meet! :-)


  109. I meant to say I didnt' think I'd meet a man who would love me. Period. I feel really fortunate.

  110. @Michelle. Can I just awwwwwww...and I mean that in the most sincere way! :-) I'm very happy for you and wish you many years of love together!

    @Steven I think you're spot on about starter spouses. For those who didn't get it right the first time, the second time is the chance to find that perfect person who just seems to fit like no one else does.

  111. @All:
    Some of you may have noticed several comments from an anonymous poster over the last couple of days. I believe the first was about us going 'off topic'. I felt this person's subsequent comments were inappropriate so I deleted them.

    So, for the time being, I've turned Comment Moderation on. This means that when you post a comment (and please keep posting!), a message will come up that says I'll have to approve the comment before it shows up on here. Not a big deal, but I wanted to let everyone know it's not an error or any other cyber-weirdness.

    To the @anonymous poster: If your comments were innocent and not intended to foment sedition and anarchy in our sovereign realm (more president-speak), I apologize for misunderstanding you.

    If, however, you were trying to be a small-minded jerk worthy of our grudging pity, you succeeded. The firing squad gathers at dawn.

    ~ El Presidente

    We now return you to @Michelle and her wonderful hubby-to-be. :-)

  112. LOL! I thought I messed up and my comment disappeared. I was going to tell you it was brilliant! The best thing I ever wrote! Award worthy! But it just turns out you're now approving comments first so everyone will see it anyway and see it's just a normal comment. Darn! LOL! ;-)

  113. LMAO! I just saw your post about Comment Moderation!

  114. Dear @El Presidente,

    There's always a bad apple in every bunch. Damn, I'm a walking cliche.

    I get emails notifying me when someone posts and I saw what he/she posted. It was indeed worthy of deleting and I'm glad you did. Thank you for saving @Hooka and me a lot of time having to bring the house back up again. Does the job of Security/Secretary never end?

    If Anonymous returns, I volunteer to be part of the jeering crowd at dawn. I'm not into guns. You might talk to your First Lady @Christy and apparently our Historian @Betty Lou, as they both have past experience with fire arms.


    Sushi Lover
    2nd in Command of Security
    1st in Command with Secretaries (or something like that)

  115. @Sushi you are THE SECRETARY. Not in CHARGE of secretaries. LMAO!

  116. @Sarah: LMAO! You cracked me up. Your comment was brilliant! Best thing I've ever seen! LOL! Glad you liked my Comment Moderation disclaimer. ;-) The duties of a president never end...LOL!

    @Sushi: Yes, you and @Hooka have hopefully been spared the duty of saving my blog (again). I was thinking about the fact that a bunch of people saw what that other...person wrote, but everyone was classy enough to not even acknowledge it. Some people...

    If a firing squad's necessary, I'll put our Veep in charge of it. And you're perfectly welcome to throw sticks, rocks, bad apples, whatever you see fit.

  117. I'm going to speak for myself and our esteemed First Lady.

    We did not deliberately shoot at people! They were accidents, people! Really! Read the lists. LOL!

    Sushi, you are not 1st in Command with Secretaries, you are The Secretary. Big difference. Do we need to cover your job description and the sexual harassment section of your employee manual again? I believe we have an HR person around here somewhere...

  118. @Betty Lou: I think I saw an article, a photo shoot, about Chicks'n'Guns. Very nice. LOL!

    @Sushi: Not that I'm siding with @Betty Lou and @Sarah or anything, but maybe you'd better check your paperwork. Just sayin'...

  119. LMAO about Sushi! I read @Hooka's original description on the other topic and he was clear about your position Sushi. As I recall, you tried to give the Secretary position over to @Betty Lou at first because she was a woman. Now you're trying to put yourself in charge of secretaries. Hmmm. I'm wondering about you. LOL!

    @Betty Lou, I think @Steven needs to hire an HR person. I don't recall hearing about one in his administration.

  120. Have to comment and say these posts are cracking me up! You guys are too funny! :-)

  121. @Tina: Hey, when ya got lemons...LOL!

    @Sushi: My hands are tied. You're busted, dude.

  122. LMAO! Poor Sushi. Those sexual harassment classes are hell to sit through! Good luck "bro"!

  123. @Ann: LMAO!

    @Sushi: (shakes head sympathetically, guy-to-guy, and...smirks)

  124. @All..LMAO! These comments are too funny. I know you wanted to keep your blog open for comments but if the comments were as bad as @Sushi & you said, then I would agree they needed to be deleted. We need to keep it light & funny here!!

  125. LMAO @Sushi! Dude you can't get away with anything in here! Especially if you're The Secretary! LOL!

    Sppptt... @Sushi! Shhhhhh! Come on! I know how to break you out of HR Sexual Harassment Class Hell! Follow me! This way! (helps @Sushi out the window and they both jump in @Night Owl's truck, tires squeeling as they head for the closest, um, gentlemen's club)

    Really, this was funny stuff everyone! Thanks for the laugh!

  126. @Amanda: Yup, light and funny for the most part. I actually don't mind a little healthy debate over one thing or another. But when someone sounds like they're just trying to stir up trouble, it bugs the shit out of me.

    A friend suggested that maybe I should've given whoever that was a chance to explain what they meant with what they were trying to say, and she has a good point. Maybe next time. But something just rubbed me the wrong way this time, so deee-leeet! I'm discovering that anonymous posters (some, not all) can be kinda hit or miss. Sometimes it's perfectly innocent. And's not. (cue creepy, forboding music - LOL!)

    @Night Owl: I'm, ah, not sure you're helping @Sushi's case! LOL!

  127. @Night Owl & Sushi: I am reporting to HR as soon as HR is up and running...On second thought, maybe I will jump out the window with you..LOL!!

  128. @Amanda: The only thing that's cooler than chicks with guns is chicks that'll go to a gentleman's club with us!

    @Christy: KIDDING! (mostly)

  129. @Steven the only thing that's cooler than chicks that will go to a gentleman's club with us, is a really cute chick that digs me who knows how to handle a gun and will to gentleman's club with me and then go home with me and well...

    @Sushi dude you stepped in it! LOL! Recover, recover! Where are you man?

  130. Due to the fact that El Presidente pays squat, I've found I had to get a day job to support the wife, kids, dog, cat, rabbit, hamster, parrot, turtle, and fish. That's a lot of mouths to feed! True, I do have two cabinet positions, 2nd in Command of Security and 1st in Command'm The Secretary, but El Presidente says times are tough, budget cuts have to the be made and I only get paid for 1/2 of a position. Even still, I am honored to be part of The Cabinet. Sadly though, this means I'll be busy the rest of the day earning the do-re-mi to feed all those freakin mouths.

    El Presidente, what was I thinking, bro? Couldn't you have told me seven cats was enough? Eleven kids was plenty? Five turtles, well, they don't eat much, so they're OK.

  131. LMAO @Sushi!!!

    El Presidente! Pay him more! Wait, will that mean we'll have to pay taxes? NEVER MIND! Pay him less! LOL!

    Hey, do you save money by having @Christy be both the VP and the First Lady? Somehow I'm thinking you get out of paying her at all. At least with money. ;-)

  132. @Dude: You know some gun-toting hottie's gonna come in here and slam you right? You know that, right? LOL!

    @Sushi: You said "...and 1st in Command'm The Secretary..." LOL! See, ladies? We guys can be taught! LOL!

    You do have a lot of mouths to feed, brother. I'll talk to the Treasurer about getting you a stipend. Unfortunately, he's on sabbatical right now. In the interim, lettuce should feed pretty much everyone for the time being. (Just tell 'em roughage is good for 'em.)

  133. @Steven kind of worried about the First Lady chiming in! LOL! She seems nice and all, but a .44 Mag!

  134. @Shay: I was about to say something like, "The Veep/First Lady gets paid in trade", but then I finished reading your comment and realized you pretty much said the same thing! LOL!

    @Dude: Yeah, it should be an...interesting weekend. LOL! (I don't think she has the .44 anymore, but she can still be deadly.)

  135. @Steven & Sushi: I do know how to shoot a gun, I may go into a gentlemen's club and kick some a$$ but just remember I am goog looking and married. ;-P

  136. @Amanda, true, but I think they were talking about @Christy as the Veep and First Lady. She's also very involved with @Steven. :-)

    All the good ones are taken, damn it! ;-)

  137. @Amanda: Okay, just remember you opened yourself up to what I'm about to write. Okay? Ready?

    Goog looking married women that can shoot? I love goog looking, ass-kicking chicks! Especially goog looking chicks that can type! LOL!

    (As El Presidente, I reserve the right to try to be funny and clever at other people's expense. Even nice, goog looking women.)

  138. @Amanda I think we were referring to @Christy, but good for you too! :-)

  139. Yay Amanda, but I thought people were talking about @Christy. Am I confused about who's who around here? Thought @Christy was the .44 Mag, gun toting, Veep/First Lady, involved with @Steven who was paid in trade.

    Can someone give me an org chart? LOL!

  140. @Amanda, @Dave and @Shay: Hey, look at it this way: You all took the heat off of @Sushi without firing a single shot! LOL!

  141. Yeah, I was referring to @Christy, @Steven's lady when I made my reference to the .44 Mag and her chiming in. Sorry if I confused things @Amanda.

  142. @Trey: Oops. Meant to get you in that last comment! ;-P

  143. I think we need to hear from our First Lady on this issue. LOL! Where is she @Steven?

  144. True @Steven! I completely forgot about @Sushi! LOL!

  145. @Trey you are correct. @Christy is our fabulous .44 Mag, gun toting, Veep/First Lady, who is very involved with @El Presidente (@Steven) and is paid in trade. You're right on track, my friend!

    @Steven, perhaps an org chart of the cabinet to the right of your blog is in order. LOL! ;-)

  146. @All: I was doing this at work and trying not to get caught..LOL! I meant good looking and married was me. What I was saying was I can shoot just like @Christy so don't mess with good looking chicks that can kick a$$!!

    Now I am off to lunch and some shopping.

  147. No problem @Amanda. I make typing mistakes too when I'm doing this at work (which I am now). Thanks for the clear up and I like your wording! :-)

    Enjoy your lunch and shopping! I'm off to lunch too. Wish I was shopping. :-(

  148. Lunch and shopping so late? Where are you ladies? I forget we're all over the world! :-)

  149. @Dave the blog makes the world a very small place. But a good one most of the time.

  150. @Amanda, I believe a cabinet post is in order for you. Perhaps Secretary of Defense? I'm open to suggestions, but we good looking, ass kicking, gun toting chicks have to stick together! :-) El Presidente, what do you think? It's ultimately your decision; however, as I am paid in trade, there are benefits you would likely miss if we couldn't come to an agreement. ;-)

    @Sushi, I am thrilled to know The Secretary is capable of learning and mending his ways. I don't blame you one bit for sneaking out the window with @Night Owl and @Amanda to go to the gentleman's club. I won't tell anyone. We do; however, need to talk about all those kids and critters.

    @All, this was great lunchtime reading! Now it's time for the First Lady to get back to work. Yes, even I have to have a day job. Sigh...

  151. Very good post @Christy! LMAO!

  152. @Christy: Extortion? Is that extortion I'm reading between those well-worded lines? Whatever your intentions, I think @Amanda would make a fine addition to our Administration as Secretary of Defense.

    @Amanda: Whadya say, you pistol-packin', lunchtime shoppin', bar-hoppin' babe? You want some responsibility for absolutely no pay whatsoever? LOL!

    @Dave: It is funny and weird trying to imagine what we're doing, and where we're doing it at any given time, isn't it? It's sunny, warm and mid-afternoon where I am. And I'm just sitting here enjoying the lull between work projects. (El Prez got a day job, too.)

  153. LMAO @Christy! We know where the real power is! Awesome!

    @Sushi I'm now reminded that you do have a problem with too many mouths. Let's talk.

  154. It's cold and rainy where I am. I want to be where El Presidente is! How do I get there? LOL!

  155. LOL! If only I had the moola!

  156. @Shay: @Christy and I were just Skyping during her lunch break while we looked at the comments you guys are posting and she was like, "Shay is officially no longer a lurker!" I was like, "OMG! You're right!" (Your cloak of invisibility must be at the cleaners.) If you don't watch yourself, you're gonna end up Secretary of the Interior or something! LOL! (You'd have to watch out for @Sushi though. He looooves secretaries.)

  157. Ack!!!! I left it at home today! Now my cover has been blown! What's a girl to do?

    So I'm thinking that if @Amanda is Secretary of Defense, shouldn't @Sushi be Secretary of something and not just The Secretary? Or do we like it that way? It kind of more fun to make him The Secretary. Oh wait! Is he everyone's secretary? Explain his position.

  158. @El Presidente I'm also thinking I would have to turn down the position of of Secretary of the Interior due to @Sushi's lack of control regarding secretaries. Although he does seem to have changed for the better. I'm still seeing signs of slippage. Much improvement is needed.

  159. @Shay: (Love "Ack!!!") How 'bout we make you honorary Secretary of...something. We'll just leave it open. That way @Sushi can approach you but he won't know exactly what to do about you. LOL! (Hadn't really thought about what The Secretary actually does. Secretariate?)

  160. LMAO!!! I'll just wear my invisibility cloak around @Sushi at all times once I'm honorary Secretary of...something.

    Maybe if we're not sure what @Sushi does as The Secretary, the he shouldn't be paid at all. Budget savings!

  161. Dear El Presidente and First Lady,

    I'm not liking this comment moderation thing. It stinks. I don't know if my post is making it to you until you approve it and frankly, that just drives an OCD control freak like me nuts! I'm also finding that sometimes I have to scroll up after El Presidente has posted something to see something someone else posted becaue it wasn't approved until much later, but was sent to El Presidente much earlier. It's confusing my poor little overworked, tired mind. I mean afterall, I'm trying to do my job here at the office, read all your comments, post my thoughts as I think of them, and I'm just getting confused by the delay. When's it going to end El Presidente and First Lady? When's it going to end?


    Honorary Secretary of...something

  162. @All: On a break at work now, lunch was great and found what I was loooking for while shopping. Rainy where I live.
    I would be happy to be Secretary of Defense. I am good at telling people what to do :-)

  163. @Shay: Re: Invisibility around @Sushi - LMAO! That was good; I hadn't thought of that. ;-) And, yep, Comment Moderation is a big ol' pain in the ass. Speaking of asses, there are those out there that make moderation necessary because they have nothing better to do than mess with people's blogs by posting nasty comments and starting arguments. So, Ms. @Shay, our comments are gonna float around in the ether for a little while longer. I know it's frustrating (and a little weird), but hopefully not for too much longer.

    @Amanda: Yay! Welcome to da house! And hey, Secretary of Defense beats the hell out of Secretary of Da Fence! (Dumb, I know. But this whole thing started with dumb so...) Glad you had a successful shopping run. :-)

    Man, it's raining in a lot of places today. Except, y'know, here.

  164. So much to cover here! LOL!

    @Christy, you are a wonderful .44 Mag, gun toting, First Lady! You rock, my friend! Love the suggestion of negotiation with @Steven about @Amanda's new position. Oh and great suggestion you had about adding @Amanda to the cabinet as the Secretary of Defense. @Amanda, I'm glad you accepted this very prestigious unpaid position. You'll represent us chicks well. LOL!

    @Sushi, I have a horse I'd like to give away. Want to take him in too for your circus? LOL! As a citizen of this blog, I'm with @Shay, I'd like to know exactly what you do as The Secretary. Can we see that posted please? ;-)

    @Shay, you've been officially outed by forgetting the cloak. You are now one of us! Welcome! I would keep the cloak nearby for use with @Sushi.

    @Steven, what can I say about you El Presidente? You're awesome! You and @Christy make my day sometimes and today was one of those days. I needed it. Getting ready to leave town and spend time with my dad, so I needed a little laughter before making the drive. Thanks!

  165. @Steven64 I just wanted to let you know how much I've enjoyed reading not only your posts (some were very thought provoking, some were just lite and fun), but also the comments people have posted (kind of wild and fun here, but very deep and serious in others).

    A friend of mine sent me a link to one of your posts because it was similar to something we had been discussing a few weeks ago. I've actually spent days catching up on everything written (your posts and all the comments) in the evenings. It's made for some good reading.

    I think I have all the regular players down now. Like someone said in a post today, you almost do need an org chart. LOL! I won't post often and may never post again, it's just not my usual thing, but I will be reading everything.

    What you've built here is a community. That's really nice. I hope it continues. I've seen blogs start like this and then wane for a while. Sometimes they pick back up and sometimes not. I hope yours never wanes and if it does, I hope it picks back up just like before.

    I say all this because I can see you're a new blogger. I just want to encourage you. Keep up the good writing. Don't get discouraged if you post something and no one comments. Chances are you it will happen. Keep posting. You're going to have good posts and not so good. Just keep it up. I think you're doing an outstanding job.

    Have a happy weekend with your lady. I've read comments about her having a blog as well, and I plan on visiting it too soon. :-)

  166. @Denise: Hope you have a good weekend with Dad. :-)

    @Mary: Thank you very, very much for what you wrote. You have no idea (or maybe you do!) how gratifying it is to know that folks are reading my ramblings. LOL! Even if you stay mostly in the shadows, it's nice to know you're visiting.

    @All: Comment Moderation is disabled. Any anonymouses out there who feel moved to post, have at it. We'll tawk, we'll laugh, we'll argue (maybe), and we'll move on. The world keeps spinning 'round and 'round...

  167. Yay for moderation being off! Too bad I'm running errands today and won't be here to play on your blog! LOL! Thanks for doing that @Steven! :-)

  168. @Shay: And the definition of irony? The LURKER is the first to post, sans-moderation! LOL! Nice, nice, nice to see you though. Have fun erranding. :-)

  169. My list.

    1. Married the wrong man for 29 years.

    2. Quite my job for the wrong man for 29 years.

    3. Didn't finish college because of the wrong man.

    4. Didn't have children because the wrong man didn't want them even though I did.

    5. Believed everything the wrong man told me about myself.

    6. Let the wrong man have everything when we divorced because I didn't hire a lawyer.

    7. Didn't learn how to manage money.

    8. Moved in with wrong man #2 immediately after divorcing wrong man #1.

    9. Believed a man was interested in me when he was just being nice and got my heart broken.

    10. Bought an old clunker of a car without thinking about the costs of keeping it running.

  170. @Marlie. I'm sorry. Sounds like you've had a tough time of it. I hope your life is better now. We all live and learn. :) You should list the good things that have happened in your life to.

  171. @Marlie: Your Top 10 list wasn't particularly funny, but it was damn brave. For the most part, we all posted dumb things we'd done when we weren't expected to known any better because we were young'n'dumb. But you posted stuff that we've all done as adults. (Maybe not specifically done, but most of us have thought about it.) Thank you so much for doing so.

    Now...having said that, if you could post the name, address and phone number (and maybe a photo) of The Wrong Man from items 1 thru 6, I'm sure there are a few women out there that would be grateful. ;-)

    Seriously though, I'm with @A.J. -- it sounds like you've been put through the ringer, but posting your list on here has to be a step in the right direction. Glad you stopped by!

  172. Fiddlesticks! I made a list and tried to post it but it disappeared. I'll try to remember what I wrote and do it again later.

  173., Lorene: (haha) I had Comment Moderation on for a little while so your list may have been an inadvertent victim of that. But it's off now, so please post your list after you've gotten in re-written. :-) ("Fiddlesticks" was great, btw.)

  174. OK, I'm trying this again. It was my computer @Steven64. I have an old one that acts up now and again. :-)

    1-Tried to change the oil on my car. I don't know anything about cars. My mechanic and husband weren't happy. It cost. A lot. To fix what I messed up.

    2-Tried to install a new toilet in our spare bathroom. I don't know anything about plumbing. My plumber and husband weren't happy. It cost. A lot. Well now that I think about it, my plumber was probably happy.

    3-Tried to install a ceiling fan on my own. I don't know anything about electrical stuff. Electical shocks hurt.

    4-Tried to raise pedigree poodles to sell for profit. Do you konw how cute those puppies are? I couldn't sell any of them. My husband wasn't happy. It took me a long time to come to terms with parting with them.

    5-Tried to cook a gourmet meal for my husband. I don't cook. I needed a translator to help me understand what the heck that recipe was trying to tell me to do. I didn't have one so I tried to wing it. Not smart. Husband wasn't happy.

    6-Bought an entire wardrobe two sizes to small because I planned on losing weight. I never did. Husband wasn't happy.

    7-Decided a hiking vacation was a good idea with my husband. It wasn't. Husband wasn't happy.

    8-Went to Vegas and lost all my gambling money the first day. I had no money for fun the rest of the trip. Luckily if you flirt, men will give you chips for no reason. Don't tell husband. He wouldn't be happy.

    9-Bought a very expensive purse for hundreds of dollars because it was pretty and I was convinced it would be better. It wasn't. Husband wasn't happy.

    10-Gave away our couch so we could buy a new one. We didn't have the money saved for a new one yet. Husband wasn't happy.

    Luckily I have the BEST husband in the entire world and he still loves me with all his heart. I still get lovely love letters from him and my odd quirks are endearing to him. He gets over being mad at me fast. He's my first and only husband, and like others on here, he is the love of my life. I would marry him over and over and over again. I can't imagine my life without him.

  175. @Steven64 fiddlesticks is one of those words I use a lot. Glad you liked it. :-) I really have enjoyed your blog!

  176. @Lorene: I like your list.
    On your number #1 I bet your mechanic was happy, he got paid a lot..LOL!!

    On your #10, how long did it take you take buy a new couch and what did you use in between selling the couch and buying the new one?

  177. @Marlie: Just one question, why did you stay married to the wrong man for 29 years?

  178. @Marlie, the good thing about the dumb things we do in life is that we can learn from them. Sometimes it takes making the mistake a couple of times to get it, but hopefully we eventually do learn. My wish and hope for you is that your life is much better now or at least on the way to being better. Just remember, it's never too late to change your life and be the person you always wanted to be. I'm with @Steven, this was a tough list to post and it was very brave of you to do so. Thank you for sharing it with us.

    @Amanda, often when someone is in a bad or abusive relationship (and I'm not saying Marlie's was abusive), it's difficult to get out for various reasons. As outsiders, we look at it and think it should be easy. They should just leave and begin to rebuild their lives. I've seen several woman stay in scenarios that were unhealthy. Even after they are out, they often can't tell you why they stayed so long. Someone in my family was in a similar situation, and to this day she can't explain why she stayed for more than 15 years. Fortunately, there are a lot of organizations out there that specialize in helping women get their lives back once they've been in that type of relationship. Unfortunately, funding is being cut every day, and many of them are closing. I don't mean to get all preachy about this, so forgive me if I have. I just have a lot of compassion for people who, for whatever reason, are trying to improve their lives. :-)

    On a lighter note, @Lorene, I'm with @Amanda. I'll bet your mechanic was secretly very happy because he was able to charge you a whole lot of money. LOL! Your list was so funny! But thumbs up to you for trying to do things on your own girl! You're much braver than I am! I thought I was being daring by caulking my tub, and that didn't go well. I'm sitting here imagining life with you as a series of I Love Lucy episodes. LOL! Your husband has to be a very patient, wonderful man. And it's so nice to hear about how much you love him and that he's still very much in love with you. Things like that make me happy! Love is such a beautiful and amazing thing! Sorry, I'm having a lot of sappy moments lately. Can you tell I'm in love? :-)

  179. @Christy what timing! I was sitting here thinking about how to answer @Amanda and I just didn't know. What do I say? There's nothing I can write here that would make sense to anyone because it doesn't make sense to me. I don't know why I stayed so long. So thank you very, very much for addressing that for me. I honestly, from teh bottom of my heart appreciate it. You said everything so well. I wish I knew you in person! I'd hug you right now. :-)

    About getting my life back. I'm trying. I'm looking into starting at my local community college. I was scared to death! I mean I'm so old now! Or at least so much older than everyone else who's going. I was also afraid of money. But a good friend helped me get connected with a group that helps women like me get back on their feet, and they've showed me how to fill out all the online stuff for getting financial aid. I'm now living in my own little studio apartment, I have a job that barely pays my bills (but it's a job and I'm proud), and I have good friends.

    @Steven and @Christy, when I posted that list I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Everyone else posted things that were really funny and mine was really serious. I decided to go for it because I figure I'm not the only one who has made big mistakes like that. I guess I should have also put on there that I'm turning my life around. I'm not dumb. I read all the time. I try to learn as much as possible. Even when I was being beaten down (physically, mentally, emotionally), I still read as much as I could and tried to learn things. I think that's going to help me. A year from now I plan on being in a different place. I don't ever want to be that person who was married to that man for so long. I don't ever want to be that person who went into that second relationship out of desperation. I want to be a strong woman who honestly believes she's worthy of being loved by someone who is worthy of my love.

  180. @Christy: Thank you for your post, it does make me see it from another perspective and I thank you.

    @Marlie: I want give you kudos to being brave enough to realize you needed to change your life and you are doing something now. You are never too old to go college, my sister who is 57 is working, taking care of an ill husband and going to college on-line to get her associate degree. There are so many options. So you go girl!! We are all here to support you!!

  181. @Marlie, thank you so much for letting us know where you are in your life right now! Hooray for going to college! I am so happy for you! I know it's not going to be easy, but hang in there. You can do it, and you're right; a year from now you'll be in a different place, a better place, than you are now. I wish you the very best that life has to offer! :-)

  182. @Amanda and @Christy thank you both so much! It's wonderful to have such support! You've brought tears to my eyes! Thank you, thank you!!! :-)

    @Amanda, I'm close to your sister's age, so hearing that she's doing it makes me feel better, and more like it's possible. I can't imagine having to take care of an ill husband while doing it. Wow! She sounds amazing! I'll be thinking about her and hoping she succeeds!

    I am so happy I posted my list. Thank you to you both again! I really appreciate your support ladies!

  183. @Marlie, I'm fine. I know what's true and what isn't. All is well. :-)

  184. @Anonymous: You're a loser.

    @Steven: Looks like you need to put your Comment Moderation on again.

    @Christy: We know the truth!

  185. That's just messed up. @Steven needs to delete those ASAP and put moderation back on.

    Sorry @Christy.

  186. I agree @James!

    @Christy I'm sorry some loser felt like he had to post that crap. Ignore it.

    @Steven can you delete those comments immediately? It's gotta be hurting your lady. I also say put comment moderation back on for a while. This douche is attacking @Christy and that's not cool.

  187. Yeah, I wish @Steven would just get rid of the comments. They're disturbing to me, so I can only imagine how @Christy feels.

    I'm also in favor of comment moderation for a while. I don't like this kind of stuff.

    @Christy I hope you're OK. You have our support and @Amanda is right, we know the truth. But it would be good if @Steven would hurry and get them off the board.

  188. I wish we could delete them. It's bothering me that they're still there.

  189. It makes me sad for @Christy. Why hasn't @Steven taken it off yet? True or not, that would really hurt me. And if my man was having a "guy's night out" and someone wrote something like that, it would put a little doubt in my mind.

    I feel bad for her. :-( I don't comment, but I do read, and I really like them both and don't want to think anything bad. I'm sure this person is just being a jerk.

    Stay positive @Christy! :-)

  190. I get what you were trying to say @Anna, but I'm not sure saying it would put doubt in your mind was helpful for @Christy.

    @Steven just needs to take it off, but hasn't, which leads me to believe he apparently is out tonight, which makes it kind of worse. Hopefully she was able to call and talk to him about it. I know that would make me feel better, but if he's at a club or party, he'll never hear his phone.

    @Christy doesn't seem to be on anymore and I wish she was. I want her to know we think the guy is just being a jerk and don't believe it's true. I'd like to know she's feeling OK. I know she said she was early on, but I wonder if she was just saying that. I like her and don't want her to be hurt by this dimwit.

  191. Same here @Sarah. I'd like to know she's feeling OK. I'm worried about her. I really want those comments removed. Sounds like a jealous ex-girlfriend to me, but I could be wrong. I know @Steven probably won't check his blog once he gets home, but I hope he doesn't wait too long.

    @Christy let us know how you're doing when you're back on. I mean really doing. Not just the "I'm OK" thing when you're really not. We care.

    @Steven??? Dude??? I know you can't be at your computer 24/7, but I guess I thought maybe @Christy would call you about this and you would find a way to get the comments off by now. She knows where you are, so maybe it wasn't appropriate for her to call or maybe you couldn't get to a computer. Giving you the benefit of the doubt here, man.

  192. OK, @Night Owl. I'm off to bed. Hopefully by morning the comments will be gone and both @Steven and @Christy will have been on to assure us that everything is OK with them, as a couple and individually. Especially @Christy since it was a direct attack on her.


  193. I'm off for the night too.

    @Christy chin up chick! It's all going to be OK. I'm in your corner. :-)

  194. OMG! Why hasn't @Steven taken those comments off? They're terrible and mean? Where is he? I'm disappointed he's left them up there.

    @Christy I'm very sorry. That has to be hurtful. I hope they aren't true.

  195. @Steven I logged on before going to church this morning to see what I missed yesterday. All was really nice until anonymous hit.

    Can you please remove those anonymous posts and turn moderation back on? I'm hurting for @Christy and I'd like to know she's OK too. I'm with @Shay. I'm disappointed they are still up. Unless your internet is down again. You were just so fast to remove the others, but these have been up since last night according to the time stamp, and it's a direct attack against @Christy. I'm just sad and kind of sick about it all right now. Please take them down and turn comment moderation back on.

    I also hope it isn't true. I'm saying a prayer for both of you and for anonymous at church today.

    Thanks @Steven.

  196. @Marlie: I read what you've posted and was trying to come up with a really positive, uplifting paragraph or two, but @Christy and @Amanda beat me to it! They said everything I could've said better than I could've said it. :-)

    I do hope you're proud of yourself for all that you're trying to do with your life. Change is hard, and changing yourself is huge!

    @Lorene: Your husband is an inspiration to us all. LOL!

    @Amanda, James, Night Owl, Sarah, Anna, Shay and Betty Lou: I was debating whether or not to remove all of your comments about our anonymous fly-by yesterday, but they were so sweet and supportive of @Christy, that I didn't have the heart to delete them. :-) I just want to thank you guys for your support and kind words for @Christy. Fortunately, our relationship is strong and secure so nothing a stranger could write would put any doubt in her mind. Still sucks to read it though.

    @All: I apologize to you all for not being diligent yesterday. Leaving those questionable comments on the blog for as long as I did was a judgement call that doesn't make nearly as much sense to me this morning as it did last night!

    But here's the deal: When people post stuff that's intentionally hurtful and meant to get our dander up, responding to it just gives the poster what they want: attention. We can't make them stop, but we can stop giving them the satisfaction of reacting to it. So my el presidential decree is this: If that asshole (oh stop! presidents cuss) posts anything on here again, ignore it. Seriously. Just blow it off. I know it's hard, but I think it's best. That person will probably come back whether I put Comment Moderation back on or not, so I'm going to leave it off. I don't want your comments hanging in the cyber-ether just because some jerk wants to get his or her jollies wasting time here.

    So there you have it. Thanks for hanging in there, everybody.

    ~ El Presidente :-)

    P.S. @Betty Lou: You have the right idea saying a prayer for the anonymous poster. If ever someone needed help, they do. :-)