Some of you who visit here regularly know that my girlfriend, @Christy, had a health scare recently. When it happened, her biggest concern was not being able to come see me for a visit we'd planned for months. We live in different states and haven't seen each other since New Year's, so it was a huge disappointment for both of us. But not being able to get on a plane stuck with Christy the whole time she was in the hospital. Her mother and I, on the other hand, quickly relegated the missed trip to well-there's-always-next-time status, and thanked our lucky stars that Christy was still alive. In her condition, a flight would likely have killed her.
Killed. As in died. Dead.
Other than two grandparents and an uncle, I've been fortunate to have never had to face the death of a loved one. I don't know if this is true for everyone, but the death a family member seems almost…normal, expected. It's no less tragic, but somehow it seems to be a natural Circle of Life thing. The death of a partner is different. Our partners are our peers, our contemporaries. They're not supposed to die. At least not for a long, long time.
The notion of Christy nearly dying hasn't really sunk in yet. I'll be going about my day, working, cooking, cleaning – and it suddenly hits me that she was in the hospital because a bunch of doctors, nurses and various technicians were saving her life. The reality of that sort of floats at the outer edge of my periphery. I understand it on an intellectual level. "Yes, this is what happened. This is what could've happened. This is what's going to happen next." But when I think it's about to really sink in...it's gone. I'm left kind of dazed and not sure what to think or how to feel.
In the last few days, Christy and I have been Skyping (thankfully from her condo and not from her hospital bed any more), and we both realized how often we tossed around...death. In our every day speech, we use words like death, die, dead and kill so casually. And now it feels intensely weird and wholly inappropriate.
"Dude, if you say that one more time, I'm gonna kill you."
"Geez, last night I slept like the dead."
"Man, I coulda just died when she said that."
"This morning I felt like death warmed over."
"Omigod, I was scared to death!"
"No, no, I'm dead serious."
It's freaky. When one of us catches the other saying something like that, we remind the other, pause, and then burst out laughing. I'm wondering if it's some sort of evolutionary psychological thing, that we toss around death so casually because to think about it seriously all the time would be, well, a bummer. If we didn't laugh about our mortality, we'd just wander through life in a funk, waiting for the Grim Reaper to tap us on the shoulder and tell us it's time. ("Time to go, Sport!")
I imagine if we really over-analyzed it, we'd probably realize we can substitute a word that's the complete opposite of death and dying more often than not. So, for the time being, instead of exclaiming "She's gonna die when she gets this", Christy and I are saying things like "She's gonna love this". I'm sure it'll wear off eventually, and we'll start tossing death about as casually as ever. But for now, talking life seems...better.
Still...
If you'd gotten on that plane a couple of weeks ago Christy, I'd have just died.
Steven, this is an interesting topic because in the past few years I had 3 uncles, and 3 friends die. In addition to that; I have a brother who lost his wife to cancer 4 years ago, she was only 44. I have a brother-in-law currently fighting cancer and a father who is in the last stages of cancer.
ReplyDeleteDeath is ”normal” in the circle of life but it’s never easy to lose a loved one nor should it made light of either. You are “lucky” in a sense that you have only lost a grandparent and an uncle in your lifetime, and I am sure you have had a friend or two that have died along that way….but when you see a brother go through the pain of losing his spouse, you will never be the same. You gain a better understanding of what true love is, what real love is, what a broken heart really is…All I am saying life is too short and sometimes we need to take chances for love.
@Steven this was a really great post, and I love the new look of your site! Wow!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy @Christy is still alive and hopefully getting better every day. It's very sobering to realize she could have actually died.
And you're right. Our partners, our spouses, aren't supposed to die, at least not until we're really old and have lived full lives together. I can't believe how close you came to losing yours.
@Christy I know you'll probably read this. If this is what @Steven is feeling, I can only imagine what you're feeling. It's beyond my comprehension because I've never experienced it, and I'm sorry you're having to.
And @Steven you're so right about us casually throwing out those words. I'll bet I use them several times a week without even realizing it. The thing is that you're also right about us being able to insert more positive words. It's making me think. The whole post is making me think.
You and @Christy are very fortunate. I know you probably realize that every day. No wonder you're stronger as a couple. :-)
@Amanda: OMG. You've certainly experienced your share of loss. You sound like you've learned to deal with it, but no, it's never easy. I've had a lot of "life is too short" things happen in my life over the past several years and I think it's made a more mellow guy. (Most of the time.)
ReplyDelete@Sarah: Thanks for the compliments on post and my "facelift"! ;-) @Christy and I worked on it, via Skype, for something like 3 hours tonight! Or rather, she told me how to do it and I picked colors. LOL! Lots of fun.
This whole "episode" (I can't think of a better word) has really made @Christy and I re-evaluate a lot of things. But the one thing that never wavered was our love and commitment to each other. Very, very cool.
I'm glad my post gotcha thinkin'. :-)
@Hooka: ...and the cow goes, "Get your ass back!"
ReplyDeletedeath os a great topic, strange as it may sound. and I consider it a gift. I'll be back later (later today or even later than that) to say more you do not want to hear *lol*
ReplyDeletejust got up and I.....am dying for a coffee now (ok: I'd love a coffee now)
@Amanda, I'm sorry for the recent losses in your life. Losing loved ones is very difficult. When my grandma died, I saw the depth of my grandpa's sorrow and his love for her. They had been together 64 years. It broke my heart, but we talked about the wonderful times they had, and he mentioned how long it took him to work up his courage to ask her out, and how glad he was he took the chance and did. So, your last sentence is...I was going to write "dead on", but instead I'll write...absolutely correct.
ReplyDelete@Sarah, it's been very strange for me. I think I live in denial most of the time. Then, like Steven, it suddenly hits me at odd times, but also like him, I'm not quite able to grasp the full reality of it. Honestly, until the last few days, it was all I could do to focus on doing what is necessary for my health now. I'm sure it will begin to sink in now that I'm feeling better and thing are becoming routine.
And Steven is right, it's been very cool that the one thing that never wavered was our love and commitment to one another.
@sorei, LOL about your coffee statement! I can't wait to read what you have to say. :-)
Awesome new look! Guessing you did the art at the top. Great vibe.
ReplyDeleteThe post is making me think. I just said to someone that I'd rather die than watch a certain movie. Yeah, not really.
Glad you did't lose your lady. Continued healing to her.
@Christy
ReplyDelete*lol*
why is death an enemy anyway? I have been very sick once and I had a date with "death" or dying, we had a chat, but honestly, it was not scary. [The rest of it was scary and it took a long time to cope with things]
Imagine what life would be without death!
Boring.
Death makes things precious.
It makes us value things highly.
Just like with everything else, of course this "gift" can cause deepest pain, it makes people suffer, I am not arguing about that.
We usually live life as if nothing can happen, and we need that illusion too, I think, because you cannot live with the conscious fear of loosing everything all the time without going nuts.
But we need death as well, to be able to value things from time to time.
If it wasn't for death, we would not be living.
Death - as wel as some other things like sickness - shows us that control is an illusion.
We keep taking things for granted.
We keep thinking we'll have time for everything that we will not do NOW.
I don't think a "little" scare from time to time is that wrong.
Even if it is a BIG scare: from what I have seen, we NEED that to "wake up" for a little while, we tend to fall ssleep again anyway.
When I had a quarrel with someone, or I am not sure if that person still means somehting to me, I imagine, what would I feel if someone came to me now and told me, that person is dead.
What do I feel`? Besides being shocked? Do I feel pain, do I want him or her back, or do I maybe feel relieved as well? Or maybe mostly relieved?
Sometimes a question like that helps me to clear my feelings.
I am convinced death is not the end.
But the way we exist at the moment, it means we loose someone, or other people loose us.
We just die our own death, with the death of others we have to live.
It is still a taboo topic. children are not taught and not shown, mostly, how to deal with loss. Or that loss and living with grief can be part of your life. That there are many ways to deal with it. And that it doesn't go away after 2 weeks, sometimes accompanies you for years.
If we weren't in danger of loosing something, it would not be as precious.
Another thing that is not talked about, is that we ARE relieved sometimes as well, when somebody dies. Maybe both at the same time: grieving AND relieved, but maybe even more relieved than everything else.
Or that we are angry.
People have a picture in their mind what grieving and dealing with loss should be like, how it should look and how long it should take.
But the picture is much more colourful...
(now I need another coffee)
@sorei, wow! Beautifully said, and very correct from start to finish. I really liked what you wrote about thinking about my relationships with people in my life by how I'd feel if I were told they had died; about how it can provide clarity.
ReplyDeleteLong before this incident, a friend and I were talking about death. We both agreed we weren't afraid of death itself, but we weren't ready for it to happen now. We have too much to do still, and too many significant events with people in our lives we'd miss. This recent close call hasn't changed that for me. I'm not afraid of it, but I have too many things I want to do with people who are here. I have things I want to experience before going. It was a good reminder that I need to get busy.
@Christy
ReplyDeletethanks
for me it has always been a fascinating topic.
I cannot think about death without thinking about other things.
How do I live my life? What if I died NOW? Can I let go? my own life, somebody elses? (somebody else most likely not right away, sometimes it takes years)
When i think, oh if I knew I would die, I would do this or that... do I need to die to do that?
Or when I think, if I had known I would have told him/her: why not now?
And sometimes it is not even th death of a person, but the death of a dream, an illusion, a relationship, an idea, whatever, which can be devastating as well.
Sometimes I guess the most scary thing in the world is not to die, it is to live, not just to be, but to have enough moments LIVING.
Saying yes and saying no because you mean it.
Then again, I just have to figure how would I feel if I lost my husband.
My world would end.
On the other hand I know, he wants me to live (ok, I guess he would like me to grieve for some time too ;) )
And I hope I would find strength again to build a new world.
There was a book and a movie that I found very impressive, it was a movie with Michael York, "for those I loved" (1983)
It deals with living and dying. I found it immensly impressive.
It would not be the grief I would fear most. It would be to become katatonic in my grief. for a while, that is a normal reaction for many. but at some point, there should be movement again...
I'll stop now, or else I start talking about reincarnation and things, so, sorei out for now :)
@sorei:
ReplyDeleteWow. Are you absolutely sure English isn't your first language? ;-)
What you wrote was amazing. And thought provoking. @Christy once said, "How many people know 5 personal things about you that they couldn't learn from anyone but you?" That really made me think. Your comment about arguing with someone and then wondering how you'd feel if you found out they'd died has made me think just as much. I haven't wished anybody quarrelsome was actually dead, but your comment helps me put it in perspective. Very few arguments are important. They may seem like it in the short run, but they rarely matter for any length of time.
I realized a long time ago that I'm not afraid of death. Honest. I'm curious what will happen, where I'll go. What I am afraid of how I'll die. I don't do pain well. I've thought about what method I'd choose, were I given a choice. (Fortunately, I don't think about it as much as I used to! lol)
And I still wish I could find that Michael York movie. Now, about that reincarnation...;-)
@Christy: I'm with you, babe. I don't plan on going anywhere any time soon. We've got waaaay too much to do!
@Dino: Nice to see you, dude! Glad you like the new digs. And, yep, I did the new masthead. And had a total freakin' ball doing it. Thanks for the kind words to my lady, too.
@sorei, I can't even express how much your words have moved me. I've read both your comments several times today. So well stated. About your second one, the statement that stuck with me the most was "Sometimes I guess the most scary thing in the world is not to die, it is to live, not just to be, but to have enough moments LIVING." How many of us just go through the motions of life, not really living? You've really made me think today. Thank you, my friend. :-)
ReplyDelete@Steven, yes we do have waaaaaay too much to do, and I intend for both of us to be around for a long time to do it all! :-)
Like the new look, art, and photos. The post is deep. Makes me think about my life and the ones I love. Too bad about the trip, but she's alive and you have plenty of time to see each other again. That's good news! Can't tell you how much I use death and dying and kill in sentences. Too much without even thinking. You're probably right. It's a coping thing.
ReplyDeleteAnyway great post and great new look!
OMG! I don't know whether to comment on the new digs or the new post first!
ReplyDeleteNice remodel you've done on your blog! I really like it a lot! It's nice being able to see art and photos by you, and the top is just cool! Love the new colors too.
The post was really good! You write so well! And what you had to say was moving and made me think. I mean I've read @Christy's blog and commented that I was glad she's OK, but it didn't really hit me that she could have disappeared from all our lives forever. I know that's nothing compared to what you're feeling, but your post stopped me in my tracks.
You almost lost your significant other, your other half. That's so scary. It's something none of us think will happen until we're rolling around in wheelchairs in a nursing home and can't remember who the heck that person is anyway. You're not supposed to lose her so young. You still have a lifetime of things to experience with her! :-)
And the statements about death and dying. Just this morning somone made a statement and I replied that they were dead wrong. Ack! Now I feel weird about saying that! But I think you're right about it being some kind of coping thing or something. I don't know. Something else to think about.
We all cope in different ways when a love one dies or is dying..I cope by stress eating or trolling blogs (how do you think I found this one). :-)
ReplyDeleteHow long have I been gone? Leave for a couple of weeks and everything changes! All I can say is...Show off! LOL! Seriously, dude, it's very cool! Nice job with the art at the top!
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say about the post? Beautifully written, my friend. I think you know me and mine can relate to it all.
@Elichia: Thanks for the compliments. And thanks for stopping by. :-)
ReplyDelete@Terry: I'm glad you found my blog and said 'hey', but I'm sorry for why you found it. Take care of yourself.
@Shay: LOL! I said the same thing to @Christy. "Do you think anyone's gonna bother to read what I wrote, or are they just gonna freak out over the new look?" People seem to be doing a little of both. Cool.
Thank you so much for your compliment about my writing. I've gotten kudos for my painting, but hearing it about my writing is really nice. And I'm glad what I wrote got you thinking. That's about the nicest compliment I can get for a blog post, y'know?
You said: "...that she could have disappeared [forever]". And I got choked up. Then later you said: "...can't remember who the heck that person is anyway." I almost gagged. Cracked me up! (Died laughing...)
@Hooka: DUDE! Welcome the eff back, man! Glad you like the remodel and new masthead. And thank you for the compliment on the writing. I think you know me and how much that means coming from you.
Have to say, excellent post!
ReplyDeleteHave to say, thank you very much, @T! ;-)
ReplyDelete@Steven it was a really great post, and you do write well. I'm still thinking about it, and still very glad @Christy is here.
ReplyDelete@Steven this is a great post. Plain and simple.
ReplyDeleteDude, I feel bad for what I wrote in your other post. I've never felt what you're going through and I didn't think about what you're going through and feeling. You almost lost @Christy forever, like never to see her, hear her voice, or touch her again. I can't imagine what that feels like. I know what it's like to have family die, but I can't imagine the love of my life, my partner, my other half, suddenly being taken away from me. I'm sorry. Very sorry.
You're both very lucky to have another chance. God gave you both a gift of having the opportunity to really appreciate each other, live life, and hopefully spend actual time together someday soon. You're fortunate, dude. I know you both probably realize that and you don't need me to tell you.
I've read this post several times because you've made me think. I mean really think about life and death, and the use of words. But really about life and death, and living life, taking chances, giving my heart to someone, opening myself up completely. Life is too short to be afraid to do all of that. You never know when it could all be taken away.
On a lighter note, I like the new look of your blog. Very cool. You've got skills, dude! Great job with the art at the top, the layout, the slide shows, and all the other changes. It has a good feel to it. Thumbs up from me.
I found this through someone on Twitter I randomly decided to follow yesterday. Very glad I did.
ReplyDeleteYou moved me with this. In fact, I cried when I finished reading it. Yes, I'm a typical chick, so sue me. ;-)
I just wanted you to know how it touched me. I'm happy @Christy is still alive and you get to have those moments when it suddenly hits you how close she came to death, instead of having moments of realizing she's actually gone. It's rare we get second chances in life, and this seems like a second chance kind of moment, for both of you.
God was watching over the two of you by keep her off that plane. There's a reason.
When I have time, I'm going to check out your other posts, but I'm extremely glad I stumbled across this one.
@Night Owl: Apology accepted, my friend. Nice to have you "back". :-)
ReplyDelete@Freely Zooming: I'm glad you zoomed in, too. And, wow, thank you so much for your comments! I'm not usually glad to make a chick cry, but in this case...;-p Selfishly, I too am very grateful that God decided to let @Christy stick around.
I hope you get a chance to check out some of the other things I've rambled on about.
Oh @Steven. I love this post! I hope you and @Christy get to see each other soon. I know this has been hard for both of you, but I read your comments on another post, and how wonderful that you're stronger as a couple for having gone through this. Imagine what you can weather together in the future. Anything!
ReplyDeleteYour blog looks so good! I've spent time watching your slideshows and they're great! The microphone at the top is just cool. Very good job! :-)
@Denise: Hey D! Good to see you. I'm so glad you like the post. :-) This whole thing has been has been hard and strange, but we laugh a helluva lot. And funny you should mention it – I'm flying up to see @Christy in about 5 weeks! Booked the flight yesterday. Totally psyched! (So's she.) Hey, better late than never, right? LOL!
ReplyDeleteGlad you like the new look. @Christy spent hours helping me with it. Glad you like the art show and other doodads, too. ;-)
OMG! That's great news!!! I'm so happy for you two! The next 5 weeks will fly by! Now YOU just have to stay healthy! :-)
ReplyDeleteYou two amaze me with all that you do together long distance. I think it's so romantic! Yeah, I know. Working on a blog doesn't sound romantic, but from my point of view, it is. When are you moving closer to her?
@Denise, actually, you're right. Working on the blog together is romantic (at least I think so). We spent time together, had fun, and laughed a lot. It was great! I think he did a fantastic job on the masthead and the blog as a whole. And I love that people can now see his art and photos.
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how excited we both are about Steven's trip here! Again, you're right, the weeks are going to fly by. I feel like a little girl counting down the days until Christmas!
@Steven oh my! That post really drives home the fact that you might not be visiting @Christy soon because she wouldn't be here! I don't want to think about that! I'm happy for you both that she made it to the hospital! You know my life is changing and I hate to think if I were in your shoes. Scary!
ReplyDeleteYour blog surprised me! I thought I was in the wrong place! LOL! It's very nice! I have to come back later and look at it more though because I'm on limited time here at work. I'll be back this afternoon during my break to see more! :-)
yaaaAAAY @Tammy! I can practically feel you grinning ear-to-ear. :-) I'm so glad you and your man are still hanging tight. I'm grinning ear-to-ear for you! :-)
ReplyDeleteSee how much changes when you disappear for a month? LOL! @Christy helped me a LOT with the facelift on the blog. Call it 'mental therapy' while she was convalescing at home. ;-) The health scare was, well, scary. But we're getting back on track. Gonna see her in a month. Woo-hoo!
Nice to see you again, m'dear. :-)
So will you be seeing your family too, or is this just a visit to see Christy? ;-)
ReplyDelete@Amanda: Yes! *lol* I'm gonna see my mom. But I'm also going to meet Christy's mom as well as her two little brothers and their families – all at the same time! Have to be on my best behavior. ;-p
ReplyDelete@Steven, Wow, do you think you can handle that Steven meeting Christy's family?...LOL!!! So only your Mom lives in WA, do you have any brothers or sisters?
ReplyDelete@Amanda: LOL! It should be...interesting. ;-p My big brother and his family (wife, 2 sons) live in WA also, but I probably won't see them this visit. This visit's mainly to scout out apartments for when I move, and, of course, to see Christy. I'm totally psyched. Last time I was up there, it was FREEZING!!
ReplyDelete@Steven: I hear the weather in WA is not that warm and still rainy. Well at least when you move to WA you can see your brother and his family more along with your Mom of course since it sounds like you are moving near them.
ReplyDeleteDid anyone notice that @Hooka Looka blog is gone?
ReplyDeleteVery moving and thought provoking! Thanks!
ReplyDelete@Steven64 you and Christy are very fortunate. I hope you both are still counting your blessings and appreciating the time you have together. Life is very precious and sometimes very short. We never know when someone is going to be unexpectedly taken from us.
ReplyDeleteI lost my husband last year when he was hit by a drunk driver. I had talked to him 30 minutes earlier and was annoyed with him for something very petty that was important to him but not at all important to me. Something he wanted to do that I didn't. It's funny how important it became to me after he was gone. I felt such guilt that I didn't want to spend that evening doing what he wanted. I miss him so much every day. He was the love of my life. I'm only 49 and I've lost him. I'd give anything to be able to do what ever he wanted when ever he wanted.
So I hope you both cherish this second chance you've been given. I hope you make the most of every day together. I hope you never forget how it felt to almost lose her, and she never forgets how it felt to almost die. Live your lives as if every day could be taken. Make sure you tell each other you love one another. Make sure you never take each other for granted. Make sure you make time for each other every day, and when something is important to the other.
I'm going to get myself together because I'm crying now, but I'll be back to read your other posts. A friend gave me this link and suggested it would mean a lot to me. I don't think she knew how it would affect me.
I wish you and Christy many blessings in life. I wish you both much love and happiness. Thank you for writing this. Well done.
@Caroline I'm sorry for your loss. Losing someone to something as stupid as someone else drinking and driving is horrible. You have my deepest sympathy.
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't still feel guilty about not wanting to do whatever it was that your husband wanted to do that night. You can't change anything. I'm sure he knew how much you loved him, and I'm sure he still know how much you do love him.
You're right about @Steven and @Christy needing to cherish their time together and live for every moment. I too hope they take that advice. They've been very kind to me as I've gone through a divorce recently, and I want them to be happy. One thing they've helped me realize is that just because love didn't work for me this time, doesn't mean it won't work for them or me in the future.
I've done a lot of soul searching lately and I've come to realize how precious life is and how little time we really have on earth. I've read this post by @Steven several times because it touches me. You can tell it was written by a man who almost lost the woman he loves. That's moving.
@Steven and @Christy were given a second chance in life. That doesn't happen very often. I'm sure they realize it every day. Hopefully when they're back from vacation they'll answer your comment. Sometimes when I can't sleep, like tonight, I think about the two of them and how lucky they both are. They've found true love the second time around. They're so lucky. They give me hope that someday I'll be just as lucky.
So @Caroline I want to say thank you for your comment. You gave me something to think about tonight. I appreciate that. I hope you find love again someday too. :-)
@Sarah what a beautiful comment! Thank you. :-)
ReplyDeleteI do still feel guilt about how I felt when I hung up from talking to my husband. I was resentful. Now I regret that feeling. But I also feel guilty about so many other things too. Nothing big. Things like choosing to spend time with other people instead of him when he wanted to do something with me. Or being too tired to stay up and talk when he got home from work really late. I'd give everything I have in life right now to live those moments over.
I'm seeing a therapist to work my way through it, but it's hard. We married when we were 22 and I thought he would always be here. I thought he was my mate for life. We were supposed to grow old and play with our grandchildren together. We were supposed to have plenty of time together.
I don't mean to be a downer. I simply want people who may read this to remember that life doesn't come with a guarantee. We don't necessarily have 40 or 50 more years with the person or people we love. We may only have today. Heck, we may only have this minute.
Don't take your loved ones for granted. Make sure they know how much you love and appreciate them. If you really love them and they want some of your time, try hard to not resent them but give them the time because you love them and don't know if that will be your last moment with them. Live every day fully.
I wish everyone who reads this many blessings and much love. I'm glad my friend recommended this blog. :-)
@Steven I'm thinking about starting my own blog. I don't know if anyone would be interested, but commenting on yours has made me realize I have a lot I want to say to the world. Thanks! :-)
ReplyDelete@Caroline I'd read your blog if you started one. :-) Maybe @Steven wouldn't mind if you posted your blog address here if you do. :-)
ReplyDeleteWould that be OK @Steven? :-)
@Caroline: Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. We've (Christy and I) been on vacation. But I wanted to say hello before too many days went by. ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt's funny that you said some of the things you've said because lots of isn't-that-a-coincidence things have happened over the last couple of days. Nothing earth-shattering, but enough to remind us anew to cherish the second chance Christy and I have been given. Not that we needed a reminder, trust me! We talk, text, Skype often and I bet at least 75% of the time, something about her health scare makes it into our conversation and we're actively grateful to have more time together.
I'm also so very sorry to hear of your loss. I honestly can't imagine what you went through last year, and I can't imagine what you still go through daily. I don't suppose anyone can really relate to a loss like that unless they've experienced it themselves. My heartfelt condolences to you and yours.
Please take this with a good sized grain of salt, but I don't think you should feel guilty one bit about what you and your husband discussed at the time of his untimely passing. As blunt or harsh as it may sound under the circumstances, we can't truly live our lives as if every day was the last, as altruistic or romantic as that may sound. It wouldn't be honest. We laugh, we cry; we get glad, we get mad. And we hope that the negative feelings won't be the last we feel at any given moment, but it doesn't always work out that way. A very good friend of mine once told me that she doesn't live in a woulda-coulda-shoulda place. I could've done this, I should've done that. It's unfortunate that your last conversation with your husband wasn't ideal, but it wasn't your fault because there was no fault to be had. And it wasn't out of a place of hate. People in love bicker all the time, but we still love. He knew that. Let yourself know that too. Again, this is just my this-is-my-blog-so-I-can-sound-like-an-expert opinion. Your therapist my totally poo-poo everything I just wrote. (that was supposed to make you smile a little bit)
You brought up something in another comment that I hadn't thought about. Drainers. I hadn't thought about the time that I spend with people on the edge my life detracting from the time I could've spent with those at the center. Life is truly too short and transitory to, well, waste time with those you don't really want to spend time with. I've been getting better about it and not feeling as guilty about it. It's a hard habit to break, being a people-pleaser. But I'm working on it. What happened to Christy and I and hearing your story has renewed my commitment to spend my time more wisely. So I thank you for that. :-)
And I abso-LOOT-lee think you should start a blog!!! Christy gave a kick in the butt when I was mulling over the idea of starting this one and I'm so glad she did. She helped me set it up here and even helps me proofread my posts. It's been...liberating to have a forum all my own to share my thoughts and ideas. If you decide to start one, feel free to post the URL here. I can almost guarantee you'll get at least three people that will check it out right away: me, Christy and Sarah. :-)
I'm so glad you're friend led you here and I'm glad you commented. Welcome! :-)
@Sarah: How are YOU doing, girl? It's been over a month since your official singlehoodness hasn't it? ;-)
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For anyone else reading this comment thread - vacation's almost over and I'll be back "for real" in a few days. See you soon! :-)
@Steven yes time is flying by and I'm surviving. Thanks to you and @Christy I'm doing better than ever! Make that you, @Christy, and my therapist. LOL! But you two really helped me a lot and I apprecaite it. I was going through a really bad time for a while there and you both were very kind to me. :-)
ReplyDeleteI hope you two are having a very nice vacation! Why are you online? LOL!
@Steven I hope you and @Christy haven't been reading the blogs. Your one post went bad with someone being ugly. You two are supposed to be ignoring the blogs and us. LOL! :-)
ReplyDelete@Sarah: I promise we were ignoring the blogs! Promise! LOL! But I saw @Caroline and then you, and I couldn't resist. I'm heading home tomorrow anyway, and @Christy's been back at work for a few days already, so vacation's pretty much over. Kinda ready to see my cats anyway. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI really am glad we could supplement your therapist's help! You sound...better. *lol* I know you were going through a really sh*tty period, but I bet dollars to donuts you're gonna be okay. (Don't ask me where 'dollars to donuts' came from; not a clue.)
Oh, and we saw some of the troll stuff on my other post, but we blew it off. Too much boyfriend/girlfriend/family stuff to do to worry about that.
Okay, I'm ignoring you again! LOL! ;-)
Dollars to donuts
ReplyDeleteMeaning: A certainty.
Origin:
This is, of course, an American phrase and hence I have listed it here using its US spelling, despite the fact that here in the UK a donut is most definitely a doughnut.
'Dollars to donuts' is a pseudo betting term, pseudo in that it didn't originate with actual betting involving donuts, but just as a pleasant-sounding alliterative phrase which indicated short odds - dollars are valuable but donuts aren't. The phrase parallels the earlier English betting expression 'a pound to a penny'.
The phrase appears to have originated in mid 19th century USA. The earliest citation I can find for it is in the newspaper The Daily Nevada State Journal, February 1876, which despite being a conspicously American publication, preferred the 'dollars to doughnuts' spelling (the 'donut' spelling was a mid 20th century adaptation):
Whenever you hear any resident of a community attempting to decry the local paper... it's dollars to doughnuts that such a person is either mad at the editor or is owing the office for subscription or advertising.
It doesn't crop up in print until some years later, apart from a similar citation in a March edition of the Nevada State Journal, which suggests that the (unnamed) author of those pieces either coined the term himself or appropriated some street slang that he had heard.
The phrase didn't settle down to its current 'donut' version for some time. In 1884, there's a reference in G. W. Peck's Boss Book to 'dollars to buttons' and in August 1904, The Boston Herald referred to 'dollars to cobwebs'. Buttons and cobwebs were presumably chosen for their obvious lack of value but failed to catch on as they lacked the perky alliteration with dollars.
Are you and Christy still together? If so, do you still appreciate life the same way you did when this event happened? I hope so. I recently had a health scare, so I know what you mean. It seems wrong to use phrases that include words like "kill", "dead", "die", and so on. I'm very grateful to still be alive. By all accounts I shouldn't be. I was one of the lucky ones. I don't want to squander this second chance I've been given. I hope you and Christy feel the same. I at least hope Christy feels the same.
ReplyDeleteLife is precious and way too short. Someone we love can be taken from us at any moment. Any moment. One minute you're talking to them, making plans to have dinner, the next they're in the hospital having emergency surgery just to continue living and breathing. It's that fast.
First of all, thanks for stopping by! ;-)
DeleteAnd, yes, Christy and I are still together and going strong. We still talk about her health scare. Some of initial "shock" has worn off, as things do, but we haven't forgotten how lucky we are to have found and be able to keep each other.
I'm glad you lived! lol! It's too easy to lapse into complacency and forget to enjoy the life we've been given (sometimes more than once).
Now if we could just stick to our diets...;-P